Scales, Beer, and Brew

Dragon discovers the eptiome of dwarf culture, Beer, and lots of it! [Intro] Oi! Clear the floor! Barrel up! The dragon’s at the door! [Verse 1] Down from the crags came a shadow with wings, fire in his belly and a mouth full of kings. He roared at the mountain, he rattled the stone, said, “Who among mortals would drink with my throne?” The dwarves looked up from their mugs and stew, one wiped his beard and said, “Dragon, who’re you?” “If ye came here for treasure, the vault’s down below, but if ye came here for ale, lad, then sit down slow.” [Pre-Chorus] They rolled out a barrel with iron on the side, the runes on the lid said, “Many have tried.” The dragon laughed thunder, said, “Pour me a few.” Then the tavern all whispered: “Poor bastard is new.” [Chorus] Raise the mug, raise the flame, drink till the mountain remembers your name. Scales and beards and barrels true, tonight we are brothers in beer and brew. Raise the horns, stomp the floor, sing till the rafters beg for no more. Gold may glitter and gems shine blue, but nothing burns brighter than beer and brew. [Verse 2] One mug went down and his eyes opened wide, two mugs in and he started to slide. Three mugs later, with a hiccup and grin, he said, “By my hoard, what sorcery’s in?” The brewer just laughed with a slap to his knee, “That’s breakfast for miners from Deep Level Three.” The dragon leaned close with a tear in his eye, said, “Teach me your ways, or I surely shall die.” [Pre-Chorus 2] They gave him a hammer, they gave him a plate, they gave him a drinking song ten verses late. He tried the first chorus, got half of it wrong, so five hundred dwarves dragged him into the song. [Chorus] Raise the mug, raise the flame, drink till the mountain remembers your name. Scales and beards and barrels true, tonight we are brothers in beer and brew. Raise the horns, stomp the floor, sing till the rafters beg for no more. Gold may glitter and gems shine blue, but nothing burns brighter than beer and brew. [Verse 3] They tested his spirit with stout black as coal, lager of lightning and mead from a hole. Ale brewed in caverns where sunlight is banned, and one little bottle marked, “Do not withstand.” The dragon drank deep, then he coughed up a spark, burned off his eyebrows and lit up the dark. The dwarves raised their mugs with a deafening cheer, “Any beast that survives that is kin to us here!” [Bridge] By stone and by steel, by barley and flame, by the barrel ye emptied and the hangover ye claim, we name thee brother, though winged be thy form. May thy beard grow in spirit, and thy mug stay warm. [gang vocals] Honorary beard! Honorary beard! Tie it to his horn and bring another beer! [Verse 4] They braided no beard upon his chin, so they tied one proudly beneath his wing. A hammer was hung on his glittering chest, and the dragon declared, “I like dwarves best!” He gave them a ruby, they gave him a song, he gave them a flame for the forge all night long. By dawn he was snoring on barrels of rye, while dwarves used his tail as a bench nearby. [Chorus] Raise the mug, raise the flame, drink till the mountain remembers your name. Scales and beards and barrels true, tonight we are brothers in beer and brew. Raise the horns, stomp the floor, sing till the rafters beg for no more. Gold may glitter and gems shine blue, but nothing burns brighter than beer and brew. [Breakdown] Stomp! Drink! Hammer! Sing! Stomp! Drink! Let the anvils ring! Wings! Beards! Barrels! Flame! Drink till the dragon forgets his name! [Final Verse] Then in walked an elf with his nose in the air, silken green boots and impossible hair. He sniffed at the smoke and the spilled barley foam, said, “Is this what you call a civilized home?” The tavern went silent. The dragon looked down. A dwarf dropped his spoon with a terrible frown. Then the dragon burst out with a thunderous roar, and the dwarves laughed so hard they fell to the floor. [Final Chorus] Raise the mug, raise the flame, drink till the mountain remembers your name. Scales and beards and barrels true, tonight we are brothers in beer and brew. Raise the horns, stomp the floor, laugh till the elf runs back out the door. Gold may glitter and gems shine blue, but nothing burns brighter than beer and brew. [Outro] Scales, beers, and brew! Scales, beers, and brew! If a dragon drinks with dwarves, he’s a dwarf now too! Scales, beers, and brew! Scales, beers, and brew! And if an elf walks in, we laugh him out too!