Velvet Blood - A sad cigarette

I know the way you say my name, especially when it means nothing to you. And I know you look at me and do not see what I see. And yet, the smallest things from you are enough for me. A glance. A word. A passing smile. And I… give each of them a meaning I do not know where it came from. Perhaps this is what hurts me the most. That you never lied to me in the first place. You never said you wanted me, you never promised me anything, you never did anything that would give me a reason to blame you. I simply heard things you never said. And I loved you in silence, because I do not know what I would do if I ever knew. What if I told you that I remember the way you speak? That I notice when you say my name? That something so small from you can change my entire day? Perhaps it would mean nothing to you. And that thought alone hurts me. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had told you everything. Would you have laughed from how uncomfortable you felt? Would you have fallen silent? Or would you have simply looked at me, as though I had told you something that meant nothing to you? I know your life goes on normally without me. And mine does too. Most of the time. But all it takes is hearing your name from someone else for me to feel as though I have returned to the beginning. To all those little moments that made me believe there was something between us. I do not blame you. What would I even blame you for? You never promised me anything. I was the one who built an entire future out of things that meant nothing to you. And perhaps one day I will hear your name and feel nothing. Perhaps I will love someone else. Someone who looks at me the way I looked at you. And perhaps then I will understand that all those nights when I thought I was waiting for you… I was not waiting for you. I was waiting for someone to choose me. And that is what hurts the most. Not because you did not love me, but because I made myself wait for a love that never existed in the first place. You were never mine. And you never had to be. But for a little while… You were the closest thing to love I had ever known within myself. And perhaps that is enough. Perhaps. …If only it had been enough. TikTok: vt_ht