Gopnik Gary- Corn Hub

Lyrics- I live in corn country. I have corn outside my house. I have corn inside my house. So why am I paying for Corn-Hub Premium? BLYAT! CLEAR THE HISTORY! Wake up, check the weather—corn. Make my breakfast—corn. Open up my laptop— There goes half the morn. “Just one cob,” I tell myself. That is always a lie. Six hours later, curtains shut, A single tear in my eye. CORN-HUB! CORN-HUB! I CAN’T CLOSE THE TAB! “LOCAL EARS NEAR YOU” AND I CLICK IT LIKE A FOOL! CORN-HUB! CORN-HUB! MY MOTHER TOOK THE PLUG! I’M OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY WATCHING CORN-HUB ON THE BUS! Husk on! Husk off! Squat beside the crop! Husk on! Husk off! SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP! My screen time report says forty hours of maize. I said, “That’s educational. I’m studying the grain.” My doctor asked, “What happens if you skip it for a day?” I said, “My hands get shaky and I start pronouncing ‘maize.’” I bought a bigger monitor. I bought a better chair. My internet provider called: “Sir, is everything okay in there?” CORN-HUB! CORN-HUB! I CAN’T CLOSE THE TAB! “LOCAL EARS NEAR YOU” AND I CLICK IT LIKE A FOOL! CORN-HUB! CORN-HUB! I SWEAR THIS TIME I’M DONE! Then I see “recommended cobs” And the damage has begun! SWEET CORN? YES! FIELD CORN? YES! BABY CORN? NO! TOO SMALL! CANNED CORN? I HAVE STANDARDS, BLYAT! CORN-HUB! CORN-HUB! THE BASS IS IN THE BARN! CORN-HUB! CORN-HUB! I’VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH CORN! I deleted my account. …I remembered the password.