Nobody Taught You How to Want Things

Sunday afternoon. Nothing on the calendar. You have been standing at the open fridge for eleven minutes, and nothing in you is pointing anywhere. On Monday you will deliver everything, early. So why does your mind go blank the moment nobody is asking? You are not lazy, and you are not broken. Wanting is a skill, and like any skill it only grows where you are allowed to practice it. This video looks at why so many people who did everything right never got that practice, and why the people who kept it from them were acting out of love. It also looks at why the gap can still be closed, starting with choices small enough that nothing depends on them. CHAPTERS 00:00 Sunday, and nothing is pointing 00:53 Wanting is a skill 02:10 What the research calls it 05:11 The dinner table 06:33 What was really happening in that room 07:39 An untrained muscle, not a missing one 10:13 Four seconds at the fridge SOURCES Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. Marcia, J. E. (1966). Development and validation of ego-identity status. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and Crisis. Hewitt, P. L., & Flett, G. L. (1991). Perfectionism in the self and social contexts: Conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin. Chao, R. K. (1994). Beyond parental control and authoritarian parenting style: Understanding Chinese parenting through the cultural notion of training. Child Development. Chang, R. (2014). How to make hard choices. TED. Arnett, J. J. (2000). Emerging adulthood: A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties. American Psychologist. If the flatness described here covers most of your days and has for a while, please talk to a mental health professional. NEXT — THE PATH Did you choose your career, or was it chosen for you years before you had a say? #psychology #identity #quarterlifecrisis #yourtwenties #selfdetermination #perfectionism #emergingadulthood #goodkid #asianparents #familyexpectations #identitycrisis #motivation #decisionmaking #selfdiscovery #growingup #mentalhealthawareness #adulting #purpose #careerchoice #videoessay