GnH - The Thousandth

#postapocalyptic #scum White lights burning through my eyes, Straps cutting through my skin. A voice above me counted down, Then something cold went in. I heard them say, “He’ll wake again.” I heard another door. I tried to move my hands and found I couldn't move them anymore. I woke beneath an open sky, With blood upon my hands. They left me with a knife and clothes And called this place a chance. I found a body in the dirt, Its face looked just like mine. I stared at it for far too long Before I realized. Death was supposed to be my way out, They made damn sure it wasn't. Every time they bring me back, I lose another piece of myself. They call it life, they call it choice, They call this punishment. But I have died so many times I don't know which one I am. The next thing that I can recall Was waking under white. The same cold hands, the same bright room, The same damn fucking light. They asked me if I understood. I told them, “Let me go.” The man behind the glass just smiled Like he'd heard that one before. I've died beneath the summer rain, I've frozen through the night. I've watched my own dead body rot Before they made me right. They put me back into the world With memories half gone. I know I've lived these days before, But never know how long. Death was supposed to be my way out, They made damn sure it wasn't. Every time they bring me back, I lose another piece of myself. They call it life, they call it choice, They call this punishment. But I have died so many times I don't know which one I am. I remember a life before this, But I can't remember mine. Faces fade when I reach for them, Like they're slipping out of time. I remember who I used to be, Or maybe that's a lie. Every time they bring me back, Another piece of me dies... How many lives have I been given? How many have they taken? How much of me can they remove Before there's nothing left to break? Fuck their walls. Fuck their machines. Fuck every hand that holds me down. I've begged them all to let me die... But they keep bringing me around... Death was supposed to be my way out, They made damn sure it wasn't. Every time they bring me back, I lose another piece of myself. They call it life, they call it choice, But I've forgotten who I was. If this is what they call surviving, Then I don't know what living was. I don't know if this is me anymore, I don't know what they left behind. I only know I'm still here, I've lived a thousand times... And if this is life, Then let me die... I've lived a thousand times, And this is the thousandth...