The Lore of Every DOTA 2 Hero Dumbed Down to a Single Sentence

Inspired by NickyBoi's video on the league champs. Want to know lore? Welcome, stay a while, and listen! Yes, I took great liberties with the lore, and yes I know some of it isn't 100%, but it's close enough that you can't really say I'm wrong, just that I'm not descriptive enough... which is kind of the point!