The Dangerous Side of the “Provider” Man with Pattie Ehsaei | S5E08

Who controls the money in your relationship? Financial abuse isn't always obvious, and it doesn't only happen in relationships where one partner has no money. It can happen even when a woman earns her own income, shares a bank account with her partner, or appears to be living a comfortable life. In this conversation, Lisa Sonni sits down with Pattie Ehsaei, also known as the Duchess of Decorum, to discuss financial abuse, financial independence, traditional gender roles, and the hidden risks of financial dependence in relationships. Drawing on her background as an attorney and domestic violence prosecutor, as well as her experience in the financial industry, Pattie explains how money can become a tool of control and why financial independence matters so much in a relationship. They explore the dangers of giving up your career, relying entirely on a partner for financial security, and mistaking financial control for love, protection, or the promise of a “soft life.” They also discuss the financial risks stay-at-home wives and mothers face, why being an authorized user on your partner’s credit card doesn't necessarily build your own credit history, and why every woman needs access to money she can control independently. If you're financially dependent on a partner or struggling to leave an abusive relationship, this conversation also offers practical advice for taking the first steps toward financial independence—even when money is tight. Follow Pattie at ‪@duchessofdecorum‬ RESOURCES FROM LISA Get more education, 24/7 healing, and resources inside my online community, She Rises Collective: https://lisasonni.com/membership Join our 12-Week Group Coaching Programs with me and Dr. Peter Salerno https://lisasonni.com/groupcoaching Trauma Bond Recovery | Rise and Rebuild | The Identity Restoration FREE QUIZZES Are You Trauma Bonded? Take this free 2-minute quiz with instant results: https://kcdplmm983r.typeform.com/trau... Where Am I In My Healing? Take this free 2-minute quiz with instant results: https://kcdplmm983r.typeform.com/to/x... TALK TO LISA Work With Me Book a 1:1 Recovery Strategy Session or a Coaching Package https://lisasonni.com/book-a-session Trauma Bond Recovery Course https://lisasonni.com/trauma-bond-rec... Website https://lisasonni.com About Lisa Sonni Abusive relationship educator and trauma bond recovery expert. Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, creator of the Break & Rebuild Method, and author of four abuse-recovery books. Host of Relationships Uncensored Podcast. #NarcissisticAbuse #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #TraumaBonding #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #HealingFromTrauma #ToxicRelationships ⚠️ DISCLAIMER: This content is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not therapy or medical advice. Always seek professional help for your specific situation. 00:00 The Financial Abuse Women Often Don't Recognize 00:52 How Money Becomes a Tool of Control 02:05 Pattie Ehsaei's Story: When Financial Independence Disappears 03:26 “Whoever Controls Your Money Controls You” 04:03 Why You Should Have a Prenup 05:17 Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships 06:26 Financial Independence Gives You the Power to Leave 06:48 Why Every Woman Needs a Financial Backup Plan 07:46 The Money Conversation Couples Avoid Before Marriage 08:23 Seven Financial Questions to Ask Before Getting Married 10:42 How His Answers Can Reveal a Need for Control 11:17 How Financial Abuse Can Start With Shared Money 13:18 The “Provider” Role and Financial Dependence 13:39 The Hunter-Gatherer Myth Behind Traditional Gender Roles 15:18 Why It's a Red Flag When He Doesn't Want You to Earn Money 15:39 When Financial Control Is Disguised as “The Soft Life” 16:16 Why Every Woman Needs Her Own Money 17:30 The Financial Risks of Being a Stay-at-Home Wife or Mother 18:28 Why Being an Authorized User Doesn't Build Your Credit 19:13 Why Younger Women Need to Hear These Warnings 19:55 The Truth About the Tradwife Trend 21:55 Financial Abuse Can Happen at Any Income Level 22:37 Why Women Are Taught to Let Men Control the Money 23:15 The Fear of Leaving an Abusive Relationship 24:37 How Coercive Control Can Make You Hide Your Own Purchases 25:36 You Can Have Money and Still Be Financially Abused 25:53 “Never Date a Broke Dude”: Pattie's Personal Experience 27:05 Why the Bar for Men Is Set So Low 28:00 The Hidden Financial Cost of Women's Unpaid Labor 29:21 The Male Loneliness Epidemic and Why Women Are Opting Out 30:19 Why Money Isn't the Only Thing Women Want From Men 31:16 Emotional Support and Sharing the Work at Home 38:42 What to Do When You Don't Have Money to Leave 39:07 How to Start Building Your Own Emergency Fund 40:12 Small Steps Toward Financial Independence 45:21 Pattie's Advice for Women Rebuilding Their Lives 46:22 Where to Find Pattie Ehsaei