THE PROFESSIONALS - Ray Doyle - Addictions

Cowley brought news of her. It wasn't good; just about as bad as it gets. Shot, during her last assignment. I know what that feels like; being shot down like a dog. Brain still trying to make sense of what was happening during the moments that followed - before my heart gave up trying. I don't even know if that was how it was for her; the information was basic - details sketchy. I guess it shouldn't matter. Either way; dead's - dead; but it does matter... it matters to me. I'd seen her shot before - on the boat. Had to smile, when she shook it off as though it were nothing - though even a wing shot hurts like hell - but she never let it show. This time it's different. This time she didn't make it. At least Cowley gave me the news in person; so I didn't have to read it on some report at HQ, over a cup of bad coffee in a polystyrene cup, with the sound of fax machines pushing paper in the background. Had the night to think about it, then back on the job next morning - as though nothing had happened - as though she never existed. So it goes, in our line of work. Never got my chance. No time to tell her how I felt... how I still feel. Because that's the joke. No matter how hard I've tried, all these months - I can't just go back to how I was before I met her. No good being this way, I know - but it doesn't change things. Reckon it's like any other kind of addiction. Like an alcoholic needing another drink, or an addict counting down to their next fix. I can't just switch off and stop thinking, stop wanting, stop needing... her. Just how am I supposed to not - feel the way I do? How am I supposed to stop, hurting? Just how the hell am I supposed to do these things, when I can't even give up someone - who's already gone? ************************************************************************************* For what it's worth - part two - the, follow-on from "Love Don't Live" Life really is, full of Demons. Some of our own making - some we're just dealt. Unfair, and cruel sometimes. We just have to hang on in there, and get through it - somehow. Same as Ray Doyle has to. Though sometimes, just rarely - life hands you back, something you didn't expect. Then, my friends - it's all up to you.