What Makes a Cult? Religious Trauma, Coercive Control & Rebuilding Self-Trust | Elise Heerde

What makes a group a cult? How can you recognize religious trauma and coercive control when they're disguised as love, faith, protection, or belonging? And how do you learn to trust yourself again after years of being told what to believe, how to live, and who to be? In Episode 3 of The Reconstructing, host Katie Grace sits down with Elise Heerde, a mental health practitioner, certified coach, author of "Holy Hell, Saved So Hard I Needed Therapy", and co-founder of Religious Trauma and Cults. Drawing on her own experience in high-control Pentecostal Christianity and her professional work supporting survivors, Elise explores the complicated process of recognizing harm, leaving controlling environments, and rebuilding a life beyond fear. Together, Katie and Elise unpack what distinguishes a cult or high-control group from a religious environment that may cause harm. Elise explains why beliefs alone aren't the defining factor— and why it's more useful to examine patterns of coercive control, including isolation, monitoring, regulation of everyday life, and punishment for stepping out of line. They also discuss why harmful control can exist within seemingly mainstream religious communities, why survivors get to choose the language that best describes their own experiences, and why no one should have to prove that their trauma was “bad enough” to deserve support. Elise offers practical guidance for rebuilding self-trust through curiosity, compassion, and small, low-stakes decisions. She explains why your nervous system may continue responding with fear or urgency even after your beliefs have changed, how to make room for uncertainty without rushing toward new answers, and why emotions can be treated as information rather than something to suppress or judge. *Connect with Elise Heerde: Website: https://www.eliseheerde.com/ Instagram: @EliseHeerde Religious Trauma and Cults — practitioner directory, resources, and training: https://religioustraumaandcults.com/ *Continue the conversation with Katie Grace: Visit https://thekatiegrace.com/ to learn more about her memoir, "Spirit of Fear", The Reconstructing podcast, and to join The Table-- a virtual community for people questioning belief systems, healing from fear-based or high-control environments, and figuring out what comes next. You are allowed to question. You are allowed to take your time. And you are allowed to build a life that feels like your own. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the episode and guest 00:59 Guest Elise Heerde shares her background and journey 04:00 Understanding the long tail of coercive control 08:12 What makes a group cultic or high control 13:04 Mainstream churches and the potential for coercion 17:01 Recognizing and naming religious and cult trauma 21:56 Framing harm as love and control as protection 25:54 Betrayal blindness and dependency on harmful systems 30:08 Rewiring the nervous system and managing triggers 35:05 Leading with curiosity and compassion in healing 41:00 Building self-trust through small decisions 45:59 The importance of patience and understanding in recovery 50:09 Resources and support for survivors and practitioners keywords: religious trauma, cult recovery, coercive control, high control groups, spiritual abuse, trauma healing, cult dynamics, mental health support, recovery strategies, faith deconstruction Music licensed through Soundstripe. Code: ANMLIWFZ0TFR1WUZ, RKAHNHALIQOOJJND