One of a Kind (Official Audio)

[Intro] Some people have asked me… Hop in the studio… Make a song for yourself… So here we go. [Verse] I’m one of a kind, like a left-handed spoon; My toaster said “Bro, you lost control.”; I said, “That’s rich coming from you, Mr. Bread.”; Then the toaster filed a lawsuit against my head; I walked in the bank wearing pajamas and crocs; Asked the teller if they’d refinance my socks; She said “Sir, this is Wendy’s.” I said “That’s Impossible.”; Then a squirrel from accounting called me irresponsible; I got beef with a duck; That duck knows why; He stole my sandwich, then looked me dead in the eye; I challenged him to boxing, he brought seventeen geese; Now I owe three thousand dollars to the Department of Geese; [Chorus] One of a kind, there’s nobody like me; I got Wi-Fi in my brain and a fork in my Nike; I’m one of a kind, completely unrefined; If common sense is a highway, I’m driving backwards blind; One of a kind- Yeah, medically strange; My refrigerator knows my government name; One of a kind- Put my face on a dime; Then spend it at a vending machine, and watch capitalism cry; [Verse] I bought a horse online from a guy named Steve; He said “Horse needs charging” so I plugged in its sleeve; It started speaking French and demanded a raise; Then it unionized the chickens in approximately three days; My neighbors got a lawnmower powered by rage; Mine runs on compliments and coupons from Target; I raced it downhill against a microwave; Lost by twelve feet but looked incredibly brave; Got a tattoo of a tattoo on a tattoo of a tattoo; Now my tattoo gots a tattoo and it says “Who are you.”; I asked my GPS where my dignity went; It said “Recalculating” then quietly quit; I’m so weird even aliens avoid my house; ET saw me dancing and said “Nah, I’m out.”; I waved at the spaceship while eating spaghetti; Missed my mouth completely and blame it on gravity; Why is there a llama in my kitchen? Who gave him a knife? Why does he know my Netflix password? Why does he know my wife?! [Verse] I’m back with a helmet made entirely of cheese; Got a PhD in making bad decision with ease; My diploma says “Congratulations, you survived.”; My principal retired just to feel alive; I challenged a vending machine to a duel at noon; It accepted my terms and then dispensed a balloon; I said “That’s not a snack.” It said “Neither are you.”; Then it ate my credit card and joined a jazz group; I don’t need a throne, I got a folding chair; With a suspicious-looking hamster appointed mayor; He ran on three promises: Cheese, chaos, and fries; Won by a landslide after bribing the flies; So if you see me coming, better clear the whole street; I’m six feet of nonsense with mismatched feet; I’m not better than anybody- Just harder to explain; I’m one of a kind, baby; Please don’t ask me to change; [Chorus] I’m one of a kind, there’s nobody like me; Got a raccoon in my attic running IT; I’m one of a kind, completely unrefined; I put ketchup on my pancakes and I call it cuisine; One of a kind- Yeah, certainly bizarre; I tried to parallel park a shopping cart; One of a kind- That’s the bottom line; If normal is a straight line; Im a traffic cone doing nine [Outro] The toaster apologized; The duck got promoted; The llama took my wallet; The squirrel got elected; And me? I’m still standing here; Wearing two different shoes; Holding a kazoo; Arguing with a mailbox; One of a kind…