The 4 Ways to Handle Difficult People at Church (Only One Works)

There are four ways to handle a difficult person at church: avoid them, change them, cancel them, or understand them. Three of those feel easier. Only one actually works. In this episode of the Church Staff Book Club, Jonathan Malm and Jason Young kick off a new book, How to Work with Complicated People by Ryan Leak, and dig into Chapter 1. Everyone has someone in mind when they hear that title. A volunteer who never shows up on time. A pastor who doesn't respect your ideas. A coworker whose voice alone sets you off. But the first chapter has a twist: you're complicated too. 74% of people think they're easier to work with than average, and the math on that doesn't work. Jonathan shares how his dad helped him see that his frustration with a pushy youth pastor was mostly about his own insecurity, and Jason explains why "understand them" feels so unfair even though it's the only option with a real payoff. In this episode we cover: Why in church world the difficult person is usually a volunteer, not a coworker The difference between working with complicated people and staying in a toxic environment Why church isn't the only way to be in ministry The five traits people associate most with complicated coworkers How personality, culture, and values (think DISC) make people seem difficult when they're just different Judge me by my intentions, I'll judge you by your actions: the unfair scale we all use Why complicated doesn't mean bad The question to ask yourself: why does this frustrate me so much? The four options: avoid, change, cancel, or understand 95% of people think they're self-aware. Research says 10 to 15% are. Why your default muscle (avoiding, fighting, or fixing) is costing you the same energy as understanding would