Since the Wedding (Soul Triage Mix)

by Neural Groove Since the Wedding is a good-humoured satire of one of the perennial frustrations of medical consultations: patients who can describe their symptoms in vivid detail but seem utterly unable to say when they started. From sore knees that began “around the time Tiffany got married” to lumps that appeared “since the cat threw up on the carpet,” the song revels in increasingly useless timeframes and wonderfully vague answers. The humour is tempered by a self-aware bridge acknowledging that clinicians contribute their own forms of ambiguity, from “recently” and “shortly” to interrupting patients before they have finished their stories. The song closes with an escalating catalogue of unnecessarily complicated medical terminology for everyday complaints, before the word “cough” brings the jargon crashing back to earth - only for the final timeframe to be, inevitably, “since Sophie and Ryan split up.” https://ditto.fm/better-angels-neural... https://ditto.fm/something-larger https://ditto.fm/clinical-notes-volum... https://ditto.fm/clinical-notes-volum... [Verse 1] "How long's that knee been giving you grief?" "Oh, quite a while." "Can you give me a date?" "Well... not exactly. It was sore around the time Tiffany got married." "Tiffany?" "Yeah, you know Tiffany." "I’m not sure I do." … "Works in the vape shop." "Right. When was the wedding?" "Summer, I think." "Which summer?" "... that hot one." [Chorus] How long has it been? "Not very long." How long is "not very long"? "Well... not that long." A week? A month? A year? Maybe two? "When did it start?" "I couldn't tell you." How long has it been? … … "It was around Shantelle’s wedding." … When was that? "Oh my days, you're making this complicated." Put a number on it, Give me something to work with— "Some time ago." … Right. Brilliant. [4-bar guitar solo] [Verse 2] "There's a lump on my back I've been meaning to mention." "How long has that been there?" "Since the cat threw up on the carpet." "Okay... when was that?" "After Christmas." "Which Christmas?" "The one before the last one." "So… over a year?" "Could be." … "You've had a lump for over a year?" "Well, I wouldn't say had." … "How long have you noticed it?" "Hard to say." "Has it changed?" "Not really." "Has it grown?" "Probably." "So, how big is it?" … "About... lump-sized." [Chorus] How long has it been? "Not very long." How long is "not very long"? "Well... you know... a long…" A day? A week? Since Valentine's Day? "When did it start?" "I couldn't really say." How long has it been? … "Could be since the weather changed." Which weather? "The cold bit." Which year? "I don't know, Doc, I'm not a calendar." [4-bar guitar solo] [Verse 3] "I've had this funny dizzy feeling." "How long?" "On and off." "Since when?" "Recently." "What do you mean by recently?" … "Recently… recently…" "Once a day?" "Sometimes." "Once a week?" "Could be." "How long does it last?" "Not very long." "Five minutes?" "Something like that." "Ten?" "Possibly." "Half an hour?" "...It can be a bit of a while." [8-bar guitar solo] [Bridge — quieter, more reflective] But to be fair, It's not all on you. We've got our own little ways Of making things hard to do. … We ask you for dates Like you keep track of them all— We ask "recently?" And expect you to recall. We say "just keep an eye on it," "We'll see how you go," "We'll get back to you shortly"— And never say when, though. … You bring us symptoms In a story twenty minutes long. We interrupt at sentence three And then wonder what went wrong. So maybe we're both guilty, In our own particular way: You haven't got a timeframe, And we've got another patient waiting anyway. [4-bar guitar solo] [Final Chorus] How long has it been? … "Might have been just before Courtney’s wedding." When might that have been? "Well, you know..." Was it May? "Possibly." June? "Could've been." July? "That's ringing a bell." "This year?" "...Don't push it." [4-bar guitar solo] [Outro — increasingly ridiculous medical terminology] It's a runny nose— Rhinorrhoea. … A nosebleed— Epistaxis. … A bruise— Ecchymosis. … Bad breath— Halitosis … Feeling sick— Nausea. … Really bad morning sickness— Hyperemesis gravidarum. … A tummy ache— Abdominal pain. … Getting up at night for a pee— Nock-choo-REE-ah. … A sore throat— Pharyngitis. … A dodgy poo— Altered bowel habit. … A funny turn — Transient alteration of consciousness. … [4-bar guitar solo] Absolutely knackered — Idiopathic multisystemic fatigue syndrome. … Can't quite put your finger on it — Clinically. Indeterminit. Symptomatology. … … A cough— … … … A cough. … What? Finally! Something straight-forward. And how long has it been? "Not long. Maybe since Jade and Ryan split up." [guitar solo to end]