When Perimenopause Reopens Childhood Trauma: Narcissistic Mothers, Hormones & Healing

When Perimenopause Reopens Childhood Trauma: Narcissistic Mothers, Hormones & Healing Content warning This episode includes discussions of childhood emotional abuse, narcissistic family dynamics, childhood sexual abuse, substance use, unhealthy coping behaviors, divorce, and family estrangement. Please listen with care and take breaks as needed. Important health disclaimer The discussion reflects personal experiences and perspectives, not individualized medical advice. Perimenopause symptoms, hormone testing, and hormone therapy should be evaluated with a qualified healthcare professional. Routine hormone-level testing is not necessary or reliable for diagnosing perimenopause in many women. For women who grew up with narcissistic, emotionally abusive, or controlling mothers, midlife can bring unexpected emotional challenges. That familiar critical voice may return, old wounds may resurface, and suddenly, the coping mechanisms that helped you survive childhood no longer seem to work. In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani welcomes Altamisha Matthew, is a U.S. Army veteran, registered nurse with experience in behavioral health and substance abuse, author of My Mom Was My First Bully, and founder of Altamash Health and Wellness. Her work emphasizes women's health, perimenopause, nutrition, health education, and improving access to wellness information for underserved communities, particularly Black and brown women. Together, they explore the intersection of childhood trauma, perimenopause, hormonal changes, and the sometimes uncomfortable process of becoming the woman you were always meant to be. Altamisha shares her personal journey of growing up with an abusive mother, recognizing how childhood trauma influenced her adult relationships, and eventually choosing therapy, sobriety, self-respect, and a different way of living. Noelani opens up about her own experiences with perimenopause, including the unexpected return of her mother's critical voice, the emotional difficulty of seeing her mother's features in the mirror, and how childhood memories can remain connected to everyday experiences, including food and family traditions. In this episode, we discuss: Perimenopause and childhood trauma: Why hormonal transitions can coincide with emotional vulnerability and the resurfacing of painful memories. When your mother was your first bully: How criticism, competition, emotional abuse, and manipulation can shape a daughter's self-worth. The inner critic: Why some adult daughters continue hearing their mother's hurtful words long after the relationship has ended. Reparenting yourself: Learning to replace shame, perfectionism, and self-criticism with compassion, boundaries, and healthier coping mechanisms. Advocating for women's health: Having informed conversations with healthcare providers about perimenopause symptoms, nutrition, sleep, treatment options, and mental health. Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns: Recognizing when childhood experiences have influenced adult partnerships and expectations of love. Divorce and healthy co-parenting: How Altamisha and her former husband preserved their family connections while ending their marriage. No contact and forgiveness: Why protecting yourself from continued harm does not require forgiving the person who caused it. The pressure to be perfect: How overachievement, people-pleasing, and constant caregiving can become survival strategies. Choosing yourself in midlife: Discovering that rest, boundaries, authenticity, and self-love are not selfish. This conversation is about more than surviving narcissistic abuse or navigating perimenopause. It's about recognizing that you can love your family without abandoning yourself, create healthier relationships without repeating old patterns, and build a life that reflects who you are today rather than what you were taught to believe about yourself. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to rest. And you are allowed to become someone your childhood never gave you permission to be. If this conversation resonates with you, please follow the podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with another woman who deserves to know she is not alone. Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest   / beyondmommydearest     / beyond.mommy.dearest     / beyondmommydearest   *    / @beyondmommydearest   https://substack.com/@beyondmommydearest https://www.threads.com/@beyondmommyd... Connect with Altamisha   / shandoriansvault     / altamishamatthew     / altamashhealth   https://amzn.to/4kcr2nq - My mom was my First Bully