Why You Run From the Love You Want

You can want love, closeness and connection and still find yourself pulling away from it. Sometimes the problem is not that you do not want intimacy. It is that somewhere along the way, intimacy became associated with danger. When the person who was supposed to protect you was also the person who frightened, violated or betrayed you, love and threat can become psychologically tangled together. That can show up years later as mistrust, avoidance, difficult relationships, attraction to emotionally unavailable people, or the strange experience of wanting closeness while simultaneously feeling frightened by it. In this video, I explore how childhood abuse can distort our sense of safety, why familiar does not always mean safe, and why the love we consciously want can become the very thing we unconsciously avoid. This is Part 2 of a four-part series exploring childhood abuse, trauma, shame, addiction and recovery. Content warning: this video discusses childhood sexual abuse, trauma and relationships. Please consider whether watching is right for you at this time. Work with me: The Ridge Intensive, a private residential retreat in the mountains of Andalusia. Six guests, five days, deep work. https://theridgeintensive.com ClearVision Psychotherapy, my clinical practice, online and in person. https://www.clear-vision-psychotherap... Instagram:   / simonhitchcock_   TikTok:   / simonhitchcock   My book, The Hidden Sense In Your Nonsense, is coming. More soon. Chapters 00:00 What childhood sexual abuse does to trust 00:50 Why children depend on adults for safety 01:27 When the world stops making sense 02:29 Children use a child’s logic 03:21 When safety and danger collide 04:12 How coping mechanisms begin 05:04 Acting out, withdrawal and promiscuity 06:12 When trust disappears 07:14 Shame, confusion and fractured identity 07:47 “There must be something wrong with me” 09:29 What was missing: safety and protection 09:56 What happens when a child isn’t believed 10:44 How abuse affects adult relationships 12:29 Wanting closeness but fearing it 13:05 Why didn’t anybody save me? 13:46 Rebuilding what was lost 14:09 Part 3: shame