Why You'd Rather Be Alone (It's Not What You Think)

Your phone buzzes on a Friday night. You say no, and the relief is instant. Then the guilt shows up: is something wrong with you? Probably not. Psychologists who study solitude have found that, for a lot of people, time alone isn't a retreat from life. It's how they recharge for it. In this video: why most people can't even sit alone with their thoughts, the real difference between solitude and loneliness, being shy versus simply unsociable, what fifteen minutes alone does to your emotions, the "social hangover", aloneliness (the feeling of not getting enough time alone), why the reason you're alone matters more than how often, and five research-backed ways to be alone well. What's your favourite way to spend time alone? Tell me in the comments. 0:00 The Friday night text 1:18 Alone with your thoughts 2:33 Solitude is not loneliness 4:00 Shy, or just unsociable? 5:21 What 15 minutes alone does 6:40 The social hangover 7:59 Aloneliness 9:11 Why you're alone matters 10:39 A retreat, not a hiding place 11:52 How to be alone well 13:12 Enjoy your own company Sources: Wilson, T. D., et al. (2014). Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind. Science, 345(6192), 75–77. Cacioppo, J. T., & Patrick, W. (2008). Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. W. W. Norton. Long, C. R., & Averill, J. R. (2003). Solitude: An exploration of benefits of being alone. Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour, 33(1), 21–44. Winnicott, D. W. (1958). The capacity to be alone. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 39, 416–420. Asendorpf, J. B. (1990). Beyond social withdrawal: Shyness, unsociability, and peer avoidance. Human Development, 33(4–5), 250–259. Sette, S., Pecora, G., Laghi, F., & Coplan, R. J. (2023). Motivations for social withdrawal, mental health, and well-being in emerging adulthood: A person-oriented approach. Behavioral Sciences, 13(12), 977. Nguyen, T. T., Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2018). Solitude as an approach to affective self-regulation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(1), 92–106. Leikas, S., & Ilmarinen, V.-J. (2017). Happy now, tired later? Extraverted and conscientious behavior are related to immediate mood gains, but to later fatigue. Journal of Personality, 85(5), 603–615. Little, B. R. (2014). Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being. PublicAffairs. Coplan, R. J., Hipson, W. E., Archbell, K. A., Ooi, L. L., Baldwin, D., & Bowker, J. C. (2019). Seeking more solitude: Conceptualization, assessment, and implications of aloneliness. Personality and Individual Differences, 148, 17–26. Thomas, V., & Azmitia, M. (2019). Motivation matters: Development and validation of the Motivation for Solitude Scale – Short Form (MSS-SF). Journal of Adolescence, 70, 33–42. Weinstein, N., Vuorre, M., Adams, M., & Nguyen, T.-v. (2023). Balance between solitude and socializing: Everyday solitude time both benefits and harms well-being. Scientific Reports, 13, 21160. Larson, R. W. (1997). The emergence of solitude as a constructive domain of experience in early adolescence. Child Development, 68(1), 80–93. Berman, M. G., Jonides, J., & Kaplan, S. (2008). The cognitive benefits of interacting with nature. Psychological Science, 19(12), 1207–1212. This video is for general education, not professional advice. #psychology #introvert #solitude