the impossible flashlight score (heat abnormal hdfl fc, 1035pp)

This description is really just meant for my friends. I don't expect people to actually read it. TLDR -- I went for HDFL FC because I wanted to snipe my friend who has the FL FC. Also I talk about my process throughout the grind. - On 06/10/26, I sent vivace (Jeon on osu) a run I just completed on heat abnormal. It was a clean fc on the last kiai of the map using HDFL, meant only as practice to keep my accuracy up when I play the map with just FL. I never intended to go for this mod combination, but I wanted to snipe her only #1, and the more I tried with FL only, the more I realized her accuracy was unbeatable for me. There was no way I could ever get #1 on heat abnormal if I didn't go another route. I needed to go for the play -GN himself said would never happen. I needed to FC with HDFL. OK to be honest sometime early 2026 I knew deep down this score was 100% possible, but it was possible for me and me only. There isn't anyone else braindead enough that has gone through so much low ar HDFL. Even so, with my experiences I still struggled insanely hard. It's so incredibly easy to have muscle memory erode and create mindblocks in places I could never imagine. On top of that, 183bpm is something I needed a good amount of warmup to be comfortable on, or else the streams become impossible. When I was actually playing the map, I was able to reach the last kiai from 0 pretty quickly. My first "last kiai" attempt was at 08/06 (August 6th), and I was extremely nervous. My mouse felt like a brick during the last 100 combo, and I had to calm myself down for 10 minutes before I could start another attempt. No worries, this is normal, surely my nerves would get better right? NOPE. Every single time I got to the break my heart rate shot up. My vision got blurry and my hand couldn't move my mouse properly and there was literally nothing I could do but pray. And attempt after attempt, on the last kiai it always ended in failure. I would go and practice the section I missed on, hoping it would fix my issues even though I knew full well it wouldn't really do much. The only thing I could do is get lucky, and it felt like there was a real possibility I would never get lucky. There was a world where I fail on the last kiai 200 times before FCing. I don't want to be playing this mod combination in 2027. Around early September, I was able to snipe vivace with a choke at the last 20 combo, but it wasn't enough for me. I wanted to FC, but at the time I had to take a break. Half of it was because I accumulated so much mindblock on so many different patterns that I was super inconsistent with even getting to the last kiai, and I would have to relearn a lot, but the other half was EZ world cup. I originally thought I could FC the map before the practice heavy stages would come up, but time ran out for me and I had to lock in for my team. After we won, I took a few days off and came back to heat abnormal. This time though, after relearning the map, I felt like I could see much more than what I could before. Sections that I was missing on that took place in the first 1000 combo felt super consistent. A week before I FCd, I told the osu flashlight server that it feels like I can reach the last kiai whenever I wanted. It didn't require a lot of focus, and I can get these attempts in fast and eventually get lucky. At 10/14/26, on one of my WORST tapping days, I got lucky. I got a high 96% for my FC. I had a good amount of edge hits in a row that legit look like relax cheats, but I got lucky enough to where they weren't misses. I was able to clutch it out at the end. This was one of my worst accuracies in my locals but I don't care about that at all. I was and still am incredibly relieved that the grind for this score is over. Do I wish that the FC was 98% like how all my other attempts went? Kinda, but I don't care too much about it. I will put some attempts in during the following weekend to see if any magic can happen, but I don't expect to get lucky again so soon. Shoutout vivace for FCing the map with FL. You are morbidly a beast and your accuracy is nuts. Also thanks for generally supporting me. Thanks everyone from sly_cat who hoped I would FC and told me congrats -- Eugoon, JoshuaGC, Rimor, Nooshi, RageMuffin, Emerald Ages, Rykic, gleague/glag/glink, tarragon111*, 1ncert, luqkay, idk who else I'm missing some people. Thanks osu! flashlight server people for letting me spam my attempts -- Dawnsday, Daishko, Romanowski, Dan, 141/Livium, Psiki, Hoex, lowskilluser, Neatral, etc. Thanks ToshaChuu and ButterMackrel for memorizing TSTMTS. Thanks -GN for helping me with that one stream. Thanks Lily for getting me to Gold 1 in Valorant. Thanks Woomsi for being Irish and letting me throw some heat abnormal screenshots in your dms. I wish I shared my experiences more with you guys, and I hope I will for my future osu grinds. Player: https://osu.ppy.sh/u/14436159 Beatmap: https://osu.ppy.sh/b/4303461 Goodnight 👋👋👋