why you feel smaller than you woke up

You picked up your phone this morning and somebody had done a thing. You typed something kind underneath it, and you meant it — and then you put the phone down and got on with your day slightly smaller than you woke up. That isn't envy. It's arithmetic. A small voice, doing sums about time. And it isn't even one big thing, which is what makes it so hard to catch. It's four seconds of somebody's kitchen. Six seconds of a body that isn't yours. A caption that says finally under something you've been meaning to start since March. You don't stop, you don't think about it — you keep scrolling, you make the coffee, you get everyone where they need to be. And underneath all of it something has quietly started keeping score, and it's still keeping score at eleven at night when you can't work out why you feel flat. This video is about the two feelings that arrive in that same second and feel almost identical in your chest. I want that too. And: I want you not to have that. One of them is a compass — follow it. The other one never reaches the person it's aimed at. They're asleep. They have no idea. It only ever lands on you. We go through the ceiling that nobody ever reaches no matter what they achieve, the difference between taking inspiration from someone and quietly trying to become them, why a life is a circle and not a line — and where confidence actually comes from, which is smaller and far more ordinary than anyone wants it to be. You are not behind. You are somewhere on it, like everybody else, exactly where this phase of your life has you. Named in this video: Morgan Housel — The Psychology of Money, chapter 3, Never Enough Brené Brown — Atlas of the Heart Chapters 0:00 the phone this morning 0:33 there is no line 1:58 this is chemistry, not weakness 2:28 the ceiling nobody ever hits 4:16 the two kinds of wanting 5:42 what to do when it rises 7:32 my own part in this 8:00 a life is not a line 8:42 where confidence actually comes from 10:16 you are not behind One breath, one choice, one day at a time. New long-form every week — movement, grief, starting over, and the psychology underneath all of it. Instagram → @itsmahrukhahmad bholee.com mao@bholee.com #comparison #psychology #selfworth #mindset #startingover #growthmindset #risingabove #ratrace #stuck #circleoflife ------------------------------------------------------------- I'm Mahrukh. Born in Lahore, Pakistan. Living in Northern Virginia. I have a degree in psychology and I pivoted it into the whole of a person — mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. I teach yoga, meditation, breathwork and trauma-informed somatic therapy. I lead teacher trainings and retreats. Over twenty thousand teaching hours, and still counting. Everything here is what I needed to hear on my hardest days. Starting in 2018 I took my life back. Started coming back home to me. Changed my career. Followed my passion. Found my voice and used it. Lost seventy pounds along the way. I raise my two children as the only parent they have. Some parts of my life I took charge of. Some of it life taught me — by breaking me open, over and over. By the loss of my people, and of things I thought I could not live without. By carrying what was never mine to carry. By starting over with nothing. By making me lose myself so completely that I had to find my way back home to myself. I am the gentle voice and the hardest ask in the room. The light and the lioness — muqātila, the one who fights. Both are true, and I stopped choosing between them. It is our work, as grown human beings, to face our own demons — to look in the mirror and keep becoming the best version of whoever is looking back. Nobody is coming to do that for us. — WHAT'S ON THIS CHANNEL OUT LOUD — the feelings we don't admit to, and the ones we have no words for. The highs and the lows, the calm and the chaos, the breaking and the building, and the ordinary days in between when nothing happens at all. Every relationship you have, including the one with yourself. MOVEMENT & MUSING — talking while I practise. Because some things won't be understood sitting still, and the body has been holding all of it anyway. READING & RECKONING — one passage from one book. What it means, and what it cost me to find out it was true. BREATH & STILLNESS — guided meditation, breathwork, yoga nidra. For the days you'd rather be led than told. FOR THE ONE WHO — short. For whoever needs it today. — Nothing here has to be resisted, forced, or pushed away. You are not behind. You are somewhere in it, like everyone else. Come as you are. One breath, one choice, one day at a time. mao@bholee.com This channel shares education and personal experience. It is not therapy, medical advice, or a substitute for care from a qualified professional. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone who can help you in person.