If You Don’t Ask, the Answer Is No: Valerie Martindale on Connection | The Essence of You Podcast

Steph Lokelani sits down with Valerie Martindale, office manager and community outreach “wizard” at Boise State Public Radio, cool theater mom, LGBTQ+ ally, and self-described random volunteer at almost everything. The two met through their mutual friend Karma, and Valerie shares the story of how her ex-husband’s childhood friend became one of her besties. Valerie takes us inside Boise State Public Radio, Idaho’s NPR affiliate, from Idaho Matters and Morning Edition to local podcasts like Mustang, Women’s Work, Scandalized, Extremely American, and Howl, plus the station’s upcoming 50th anniversary and her dream of a reunion for every past employee. Then the conversation turns to why “I’m sorry” drives her nuts, how ADHD shaped her parenting, and the Girl Scout lesson she lives by: if you don’t ask, the answer is always no. She explains how she used it to negotiate her salary, why Costco might help your nonprofit event, and how Community Cakes brings homemade birthday cakes to people across the Treasure Valley. Valerie also shares the joy of being a theater mom, from her son’s first role as Wilbur in Charlotte’s Web to a giant Miss Hannigan poster on the side of Idaho Arts Charter School, and why theater kids are pretty freaking amazing. ABOUT VALERIE MARTINDALE Valerie Martindale has worked at Boise State Public Radio as an Office Manager for 7 years. Her passion for community service started with her first "big girl" job at St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Store and has carried on through Girl Scout leader, TVCT parent volunteer and Community Cakes Baker. Besides her regular job duties, she enjoys Community Engagement and Partnership development with other community organizations to provide the creative and philanthropic outlets she needs to feel fulfilled. KEY TAKEAWAYS Save “I’m sorry” for when you mean it. You have every right to take up space. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no, whether it’s cookies, a salary, or a late application. Self-advocacy means finding what makes you happy and figuring out how to make it work. Different isn’t wrong. People learn and work in their own ways. Ask about resources. Many businesses and organizations are happy to help nonprofits. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Help someone already doing the work. Community isn’t luck. Go seek it out, or create it. Volunteering is a way back to hope when the world feels dark. CHAPTERS 0:00 - Cold open: faking it in front of our kids 0:38 - Welcome + meet Valerie Martindale 1:13 - How they met + the Karma story 3:52 - Being encouraged to run for office 5:53 - Becoming a Boise State Public Radio “wizard” 8:57 - Idaho Matters and local programming 10:21 - A student band’s food bank fundraiser 11:45 - Station podcasts: Mustang, Women’s Work + more 13:24 - Extremely American and Howl 17:26 - Students behind the scenes 18:59 - 50th anniversary + an alumni reunion idea 20:45 - Steph joins Radio Boise 21:38 - Why “I’m sorry” drives Valerie nuts 24:00 - ADHD, parenting, and different isn’t wrong 26:30 - Swapping “sorry” for “pardon me” 28:57 - Self-advocacy and going to do the thing 31:25 - Helping students handle conflict 33:45 - Girl Scouts: if you don’t ask, the answer is no 35:44 - Negotiating her salary like a Girl Scout mom 37:35 - Finding resources: ask Costco 39:04 - Cake decorating and a Harley Quinn cake 41:06 - Community Cakes: birthday cakes for all 44:37 - How to become a vetted baker 46:24 - Recruiting volunteers through Osher 47:12 - Everything in the valley is connected 48:31 - Nonprofit partnerships at theater shows 49:31 - Becoming a theater mom 51:03 - Growing up on musicals in Hagerman 52:18 - From Peter Pan camp to Wilbur 55:33 - Mary Poppins and Idaho Arts Charter 56:51 - Drama comp and amazing theater kids 59:42 - Miss Hannigan on the side of the building 1:01:07- “That kid is going to be on Broadway” 1:02:19 - Supporting your kid’s dreams 1:03:13 - College, dramaturgy, and a show custody agreement 1:08:25 - “Are you Dio’s mom?” 1:10:36 - Volunteering, connection, and hope 1:13:02 - Idaho Film Society and crazy ideas 1:14:59 - Six degrees of Valerie Martindale 1:15:29 - Who is Valerie at her core? 1:17:29 A homemade Wonder Woman tiara 1:18:24 Wrap-up