Again

*Again* is about the cycle of addiction; giving in, feeling ashamed, asking God for forgiveness, trying again, and falling again. *Lyrics* AGAIN. I said I’d stop. AGAIN. I knew exactly where this ends. Still clicked. Still watched. Still fed the thing I swore I’d starve to death. Shut the door Kill the light Tell myself it’s just tonight Little lie Same excuse Give the hunger what it wants to use Then the screen goes black And I see myself No monster hiding underneath Just me. Just me. Doing what I said I’d never do again. Delete the history Wash my hands Drop to my knees Make promises again “God, I’m sorry.” “God, I’ll change.” How many times Can I pray the same— PRAYER! Here I am with the same prayer Same shame crawling underneath my skin I swore this time would be the last time Now I’m begging You again I hate the man I become here I hate how easily I give in But the cross was not defeated By the same old sin Day one I’m strong Day three It calls One thought becomes a doorway And I know where it goes I know the verse I know the truth I know exactly what I’m supposed to do But knowing where the chains are Doesn’t mean I don’t reach for them I FEED IT! THEN HATE IT! I BURY IT! THEN WAKE IT! PLEASURE! SHAME! PROMISE! FAIL! ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND AGAIN! “For by one offering He hath perfected for ever Them that are sanctified.” — Hebrews 10:14 Not because I finally got it right. Not because I earned another chance. Because You knew every time I’d fall Before the nails went through Your hands. Here I am with the same prayer But Your answer hasn’t changed I bring You all the same failures You still call me by my name I will fight this thing tomorrow If tomorrow comes again Not because I trust my strength— I trust the cross That paid for sin. AGAIN. If I fall— I get back up. AGAIN.