Remedy - Still Here (Why?)

Ai was used to create the cover art. I would like to replace it with real art if I can find an artist for the right price. Verse I got real good at wearing faces Smiling through familiar places Learned how to laugh when people watched Then fell apart when conversations stopped See pain gets quiet after years Stops screaming straight into your ears Instead it whispers soft enough That eventually you trust it And somewhere I got comfortable Living halfway miserable Not dead enough to disappear Not alive enough to feel much Funny how survival sometimes Feels less like living More like postponing Something you stopped fighting for Pre-Chorus People say it gets better I know they mean well But nobody talks about the nights Where hope feels fictional Chorus I held the gun to my head But couldn’t follow through Sometimes I thank God for that Sometimes I hate Him too Because part of me kept begging For a life I couldn’t lose While another part kept wondering Why I had to make it through And I still don’t know the answer If I’m honest Neither do You Bridge Heavy chest Can’t think straight Mind running in figure eights One side screaming please hold on Other side saying you’ve been gone Too long now Too far down Trying hard not to make a sound Drop Why am I still here? What am I doing here? I keep breathing but don't know why Somehow alive But half inside Verse I remember staring at the mirror Trying hard to see me clearer But depression wears familiar skin Makes strangers out of who you’ve been And people think survival means You suddenly appreciate everything Like somehow not crossing that line Means you’re grateful all the time But truth is uglier than that Sometimes I still unpack the fact I never really wanted death I just wanted all the hurting gone There’s a difference people miss When they talk about darkness Sometimes you don’t want forever ending You just want silence for a minute Pre-Chorus And maybe that’s the hardest part Learning pain can split you clean One half fighting just to stay alive One half praying not to be seen Chorus I held the gun to my head But couldn’t follow through Sometimes I thank God for that Sometimes I hate Him too Because maybe something kept me here For reasons I can’t view But some nights I still wonder What I was supposed to do When surviving didn’t feel like winning Just another war renewed Bridge People think rock bottom looks dramatic Like screaming, like chaos, like breaking loudly But sometimes rock bottom Looks like sitting alone in silence realizing You’ve been fighting yourself so long You forgot which side is actually you Verse I’m still angry breathing healing starts uneven surviving isn’t beautiful sometimes it’s confusing gratitude and resentment Can exist inside the same chest being alive doesn’t mean You suddenly know what comes next But I know this much I’m still here And maybe right now That has to be enough Chorus I held the gun to my head But couldn’t follow through Some days I thank God for that Some days I hate Him too But somewhere underneath the anger There’s a part still pushing through And maybe I’m not meant to understand Why I survived what I went through Maybe living isn’t loving life yet Maybe living starts with making it through