October 20, 2026

HOMESICK (I'M HOME) Mynx May | The Dark Carnival [INTRO | SOFT FEMALE VOCAL | DISTANT PIANO] Ten years. That’s how long it took me to say I was wrong. Christ, I held that number like a paper cut. Like saying it out loud might make me cry. Still don’t know how to say this without sounding small. So I’ll say it plain: I got homesick. Not for some place I lost. For the one I let slip. That’s the part that gets me. I knew exactly where home was. Could’ve found it in the dark. I just couldn’t face my own reflection. [VERSE 1 | QUIET, REFLECTIVE] I vanished without saying why, Left you with static and a bad excuse. I was carrying something I couldn’t name, And somewhere in it, I blamed you. Thought something was wrong in me, Something I couldn’t bear to let you see. So I stopped calling, kept my distance, Called it protecting. But what was I protecting you from? A mess I wouldn’t name? Made that choice for all of us, Then let the silence stay. [PRE-CHORUS | VOICE BEGINNING TO BREAK] I wasn’t trying to leave you behind, I was falling apart in my own mind. And the people I wanted closest Were the ones I hurt by walking away. [CHORUS | EMOTIONAL, MELODIC] I’m homesick, God, I’ve missed you all. Ten years gone, And I was too scared to crawl. I’m home now, But look what it cost. I spent ten years feeding that shame Like it was the only thing I’d kept. I thought I was the monster, So I kept myself away. But you were the ones still waiting In the mess I made every day. [VERSE 2 | BUILDING EMOTION] When I left, I thought I knew it all, Too proud to admit I could fall. Walked out smiling like a bruise, Like I had something left to lose. Then life hit like a chair in a bar, Hard enough to shake the room. Every lesson I swallowed whole Came back tasting like dust. I took your care and spent it sloppy, Like change in the bottom of my bag. Left love on read, worry on the counter, Like I could shrug and laugh. And when I needed you most, I stayed quiet. Sat with it. Too busy watching myself come undone To pick up the phone. How many birthdays did I let go by? How many times did you need me there While I stared at the floor and disappeared? I kept saying I wasn’t ready, That I’d come back when I was clean. But another year would gather in the corner, And I’d still be too scared to sweep. [PRE-CHORUS 2 | RAW FEMALE VOCAL] I thought you’d be better off without The mess I kept dragging around. But I never stopped to ask you why You kept reaching out while I kept going underground. [CHORUS | FULL VOCAL] I’m homesick, God, I’ve missed you all. Ten years gone, And I was too scared to crawl. I’m home now, But I can’t give those years back. I finally learned to name the damage, But that doesn’t fix what I cracked. I wasn’t the monster I kept dragging through my mind. But I still left the people I loved Standing in the mess I left behind. [BRIDGE | MUSIC FALLS AWAY | NEARLY SPOKEN] I need to tell you something. I was afraid you’d be disappointed. Afraid you’d look at me And see how lost I’d made myself. I left acting like I had it handled. And when everything came apart... I couldn’t stand the thought Of saying how badly I’d failed. So I stayed gone. And every year that passed Made the shame settle in deeper. I told myself you wouldn’t understand. That you’d be angry. That you wouldn’t want me around. But those were conversations I was having with myself. I never gave you the chance To tell me what was actually true. And that’s what hurts the most. Because I can see it now. Every time I felt the ground split, I thought your hands were pushing me under. I fought them. Pulled away. Backed off. And all that time... You were holding up the floor. [VERSE 3 | BROKEN FEMALE VOCAL | SLOW BUILD] How many times did I mistake your concern For judgment in a nicer coat? How many times did I shove you away Because I couldn’t stand my own mess? I made myself the villain in my story, Let fear hand me a heavy version of you. And I was so scared you’d turn your backs, I turned mine first and called it leaving. I know trauma took over my mind, I know I couldn’t see clearly then. But knowing why I disappeared Doesn’t put those years back in place. I learned to value what I had By choking on what I threw away. And now that I can finally see it, I still don’t know how to carry that. [FINAL CHORUS | FULL EMOTIONAL RELEASE] I’m home now, God, I’ve missed you all. I’m sorry for the silence, For every time I let the phone ring and ring. Ten years gone, And I can’t get them back. I was so afraid of your disappointment That I never saw the love I had. I wasn’t the monster, But I let that fear decide. And while I was fighting myself, I left the people I loved out here. I’m home now, And I’m not who I was. I finally know what happened to me, But I can’t undo what I’ve done. [OUTRO | PIANO | INTIMATE] I’m home. And this time, I mean it.