Trap&Blues - I BECAME WHO I FEARED MOST - (Original Mix)🥃

🎧 WELCOME TO TRAP E BLUES Music created with the help of our friend IA, but produced, remastered, and written by me. ... LYRIC: I was twelve years old when I autopsied the man across the hallway Watched him press my mother's dignity into the wallway With one hand — the other holding something amber — something burning I made a vow so clean it cut — so young — so unturning Said I'd never be the shadow that descends without a warning Never be the kind of cold that turns a household into mourning Said I'd be the counter-architecture — the repudiation Of every corridor of fear — every door of subjugation I kept that vow for seven years — then life began its sculpting Slow and unremarkable — no single day of jolting Revelation — just the incremental drift of choosing Hard until the hard became the only thing I wasn't losing Hook I became the thing I swore against Not in a night — in increments Each one reasonable — each one making sense Until the sum of them built the evidence Against the boy who made that covenant At twelve years old with violent innocence I am the mirror's worst inheritance The man I hated — wearing my own tense Verse II It happened in the vernacular of ordinary pressure First I learned that tenderness read as a kind of lesser Currency in rooms where only granite held its value So I calcified the softer parts — pretended to devalue Them temporarily — just until the season turned more gentle But the season never turned — and what was meant as rental Armor became dermis — grew into the actual skin And the man beneath the armor stopped distinguishing within Then I used a room the way he used a room — for leverage Watched a man's uncertainty and treated it as beverage Something to consume — to give me buoyancy and height And didn't feel the echo of that twelve-year-old's midnight Hook I became the thing I swore against Not in a night — in increments Each one reasonable — each one making sense Until the sum of them built the evidence Against the boy who made that covenant At twelve years old with violent innocence I am the mirror's worst inheritance The man I hated — wearing my own tense Verse III The recognition came at dinner — something in the silverware The way I placed it — the precision of my stare When someone spoke out of cadence — how the room adjusted Around my disapproval — how they scrambled — how they trusted My displeasure more than their own judgment — and I felt it The architecture of the fear I'd built — I finally smelt it From the other side — the atmospheric weight of being The pressure in the room — the thing that stops the freeing Of the air — and I set down my fork with something glacial Moving through my chest — the cold of the vestigial Memory of a boy who watched and swore and meant it Now the man across the hallway — I had become it Bridge The cruelest metamorphosis is not the sudden violent kind It's the one that wears the face of discipline and mind That calls itself resilience through every reinvention That mistakes the ossifying of the soul for genuine intention I did not fall — I graduated into what I fled Wore the citation of survival while becoming what I dread And the tragedy is not the transformation — that's just living The tragedy is all those years of unexamined giving Myself permission — increment by increment — to hollow Out the vow — and fill the space with something I could swallow And call by a different name — call it necessary — call it earned While the boy at twelve just watched from somewhere deep — and burned Outro The mirror doesn't lie… that's the oldest cruelty… I look and see the jawline… of my own duality… the boy who swore… the man who swore him off… the vow that built the scaffold… for the self it lost… I am what I autopsied… at twelve… wearing different clothes… the same hallway… the same amber… the same door… that no one… ever… closes… #TRAP&BLUES #trap #blues #trapblues #darktrap #gangsterrap #mafiamusic #bluestrap #darkmusic #mafiavibes #beats #producer #instrumental #urbanblues #gangster #underground #nightvibes #moodybeats #cinematicmusic #trapbeats #typebeat