Why Do We Enjoy Annoying People We Love?

You love them—so why is getting that annoyed look so tempting? The same joke can feel like affection to one person and something very different to the other. We follow playful apes, a theory of humour, and studies of relationship closeness and teasing. Then we return to one small kitchen moment to find the missing half of the joke. 0:00 Love. Annoy. Why? 0:57 A joke only you understand 2:08 An older little game 3:17 Wrong, but safe 4:39 The same joke, two endings 5:14 What closeness changes 6:40 Who is enjoying this? 7:48 The missing half 8:59 The care inside the joke Primary sources: Great-ape teasing — Laumer and colleagues, 2024 (https://doi.org/10.1098/rspb.2023.2345) Benign violations and humour — McGraw & Warren, 2010 (https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797610376073) Relationship closeness and teasing — Gorman & Jordan, 2015 (https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12071) Teasing in intimate relationships — Keltner and colleagues, 1998 (https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.75....) Teaser versus target intentions — Kruger and colleagues, 2006 (https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.90....) The stickman examples and study scenes are illustrated reconstructions. The research offers pieces of an explanation; it does not show that every annoyance is affectionate or that teasing guarantees a stronger relationship. Subscribe for more stories like this.