What Once Kept You Safe May Be Hurting Your Relationships

What if the arguments we keep having aren't really about what's happening now—but about wounds we've carried for years? In this insightful episode of In Conversation with Janina Fisher, Janina sits down with somatic psychotherapist, relational coach, and founder of Maximé Clarity, Francesca Marguerite Maximé, to explore how trauma shapes our relationships, why old survival patterns keep showing up in present-day conflicts, and how awareness can create new possibilities for healing. Drawing on somatic therapy, Buddhist psychology, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and her Somatic Relational Method, Francesca shares why understanding our trauma isn't always enough to change our behavior, especially when the people closest to us activate our deepest wounds. Together, Janina and Francesca explore how learning to recognize our body's signals, regulate our nervous systems, and pause before reacting can transform the way we relate to ourselves and others. Their conversation challenges the idea that healing requires repeatedly revisiting painful memories or rehashing relationship conflicts. Instead, they emphasize the power of present-moment awareness, compassionate curiosity, and recognizing the patterns beneath recurring arguments. They also discuss how imagining new experiences of safety and support can help loosen the grip of old survival responses. From couples therapy and relational healing to embodied anti-racism and reclaiming personal agency, this conversation offers a hopeful reminder that we cannot change what happened to us, but we can change how we relate to it—and how we show up in our relationships today. Key Takeaways: 1. Your current relationship conflicts may have roots in old trauma 2. Awareness must come before change 3. Insight alone isn't enough to break old patterns 4. Healing doesn't require reliving the past 5. The pattern is the problem, not the partner 6. Regulation changes communication 7. New experiences can help transform old wounds 8. Reclaiming agency is central to healing About Francesca Maximé Francesca Maximé is a somatic psychotherapist and relational somatic coach based out of New York. She works with adults with trauma as well as with couples, adult families and people in other relationships. She frames her approach using her three-step process, the Somatic Relational Method, which is also the subject is the focus of her upcoming book. Francesca has taught mindfulness and developed and taught Embodied Antiracism courses. She also hosts the ReRooted video podcast, which can be found on Ram Dass’s Be Here Now Network, as well as on her own YouTube channel and Apple Podcasts. Maximé graduated from Harvard and is the 2019 recipient of the International Society of Traumatic Stress Studies Outstanding Student Advocacy & Service Award, as well as the 2019 first prize winner of the Allen Ginsberg Poetry Awards. She has published two poetry memoirs. Prior to her work as a therapist, she spent nearly two decades on-camera as a television news anchor and correspondent for the likes of Bloomberg, NBC, FOX, and PBS NewsHour interviewing celebrities, political leaders and everyday people. Francesca loves the beach, entertaining, and birdwatching, and in her spare time, she can often be found on the tennis court or hanging out with her two cats. Francesca’s Websites: https://maximeclarity.com/ https://www.maximetherapy.com/ ReRooted Podcast Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... YouTube:    • #ReRooted podcasts on Ram Dass's Be Here N...   Janina's links Website: https://janinafisher.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjaninafis... My new book: https://www.amazon.com/Embracing-Our-...