He Came to Corrupt Them—Then Became Their Responsible Adult | Funny D&D Song

He joined the heroes to corrupt them from within. Unfortunately, nobody else remembered the map, the rations, or basic workplace safety. LYRICS "Infiltrate the heroes. Corrupt them from within. By dawn, the kingdom will—" Barbarian: "Does anyone know which way is north?" Wizard: "The moss points upward." Villain: "...This may take longer than expected." He came in black with crimson trim, With poison rings and candles dim. He forged a smile, concealed his name, And joined the fools to spoil their game. The rogue had lost the dungeon map, The bard had packed one silk-lined cap, The wizard brought twelve cursed antiques, The fighter hadn’t slept in weeks. He murmured, "Soon they’ll serve my plan," Then took the compass from their hands. "Before I bend you to my will, We need clean water, rope, and— Why are you licking that?" Barbarian: "Could be a potion." "That is a door hinge." He meant to lead their souls astray, But first they had to live a day. He drew the route in villain red, And counted rations, cloaks, and heads. He joined the wrong party to lead them astray, Now he packs their lunches and is saving the day. He plotted betrayal, wore sinister black— But nobody else remembered the map! He swore he’d corrupt them by evil design, Now he schedules their watches and makes them form lines. "I’m not your leader!" he shouted in wrath. They cheered, "Great speech!" and followed his path. They reached a bridge at half past three; The sign read, "TROLL — FIVE GOLDEN FEE." The fighter yelled, "We charge at five!" The villain asked, "Why not pay five?" The bard proposed a song-based coup, The rogue was underneath it too. The wizard warmed a fireball— He slapped a safety ward on all. "Dead comrades cannot be deceived. That’s strategy, not care," he seethed. He paid the toll, obtained a chit, Then made the troll put stamps on it. The party watched with shining eyes: "He beat the bridge with paperwork!" Villain: "I terrorize through systems." At camp he sharpened every blade, He labeled potions: red means health. The rogue asked, "What was mine?" "That one says ‘stealth.’" He joined the wrong party to lead them astray, Now he packs their lunches and is saving the day. He plotted betrayal, wore sinister black— But nobody else remembered the map! Inside the keep, his moment came: The royal vault, the sacred flame. He raised the orb that bound the crown— Then heard the western tower fall down. They’d loosed a wyvern, split apart; The bard was hanging from a cart. He could escape. The gate stood wide. His hidden troops were just outside. He cursed, put down the doomsday stone, And dragged five idiots home. He shielded children from the flame, Then blamed "asset control" by name. I saved the town to win its trust. I stopped the plague because I must. I fed the poor to build support. I closed a cult—strategic report. These noble deeds are camouflage! Wizard: "You also fixed my carriage." "Sabotage requires a functioning axle." Barbarian: "You cut my sandwich into stars." Villain: "They were throwing knives." Wizard: "They had jam." Villain: "Poison-colored jam." At last he led them to his lair, With iron throne and skulls to spare. His banners dropped. His soldiers rose. He struck his grand dramatic pose. "At last, you fools, the truth is clear! Your darkest enemy stands here! I joined your ranks to twist each quest, Corrupt your hearts and—" "We guessed." The rogue produced his wanted sheet. The bard had known since their first meet. The fighter shrugged, "You brought a tent. We weighed the evil. Ten percent." The barbarian hugged his knees: "Also you remember allergies." He stared at all the charts he’d made, The bedtime rota, plans, and aid. "You used me!" rang his wounded cry. The rogue said, "Yes. You’re very organized." He joined the wrong party to lead them astray, Now the kingdom calls him the hero of the day. He plotted betrayal, wore sinister black— But nobody else remembered the map! He swore he’d corrupt them, destroy them in time; They gave him a medal for reducing town crime. "I am your doom!" he roared from the path. They cheered, "Great speech!" and followed him back. He chose the wrong party—though he won’t say why, With emergency rations and alibis. He still wears black and rehearses his laugh, Then makes sure the party has breakfast and baths. King: "For courage, mercy, and exemplary leadership, I name you Protector of the Realm." Villain: "I was trying to corrupt them!" Wizard: "You taught us workplace safety." Villain: "I despise every one of you." Barbarian: "Lunch at noon?" Villain: "Eleven fifty-five. You chew slowly." Created by Sable The Raven · Produced by DrakeForge3D #DnD #DnDComedy #FunnyDnD #Villain #AdventuringParty #FantasyComedy #RPGMusic #Bardcore #TabletopRPG #DrakeForge3D