Worst Music Videos - Ear Tears Edition

Do you hear what I hear? If you said your own ear tears from hearing a bag of cats in a food processor, then you'd know it's time for another edition of Bad Music Videos. Now put your therapist on speed dial because here we go. That chick's got the spooky eyes of someone with a collection of wieners in her freezer and 8 pairs of freshly sharpened scissors in a bedroom drawer. But I'm not going to warn that guy because he has zero respect for tie etiquette. Everyone knows if you're going to wear a tie with your shirt ripped open then you use a Windsor knot. Icy Spicy Leoncie is what happens when a hooker learns to play the piano. Okay, she's not an actual hooker but she's definitely dressed for the part. Jesus, cover up and try to act a third your age. And pull that skirt down, Christ - I think I just saw the eye of sauron. This is the happiest sing-a-long tune you'll ever hear about a killer murdering people in the park. It's so upbeat it almost makes me want to take Leoncie for a walk through a park in the middle of the night hoping a killer will strike.... and then I'd use Leoncie as a human shield while I escape and run to the nearest Starbucks for a latte to calm my nerves. I want your love....well I want an STD test first. And let's add her to the hashtag me too list as she singing about the hot teenage boy that cream cheeses her stale bagel. Speaking of over the hill wanna be sex kittens who can't sing. Growling from the dankest bowels of Peru comes La Tigresa. There is no actor alive who could have pulled off that scene. Is that what they wear when you're in the Peruvian Matrix? That outfit is so tight I think I can see the outline of her Depends. La Tigresa lip syncs like she doesn't even know what song she's singing. Hey dummy, it's your song. Lil Markie, also known as Mark Fox, is the poster boy for atheism. His sweater is so yellow it makes the sun squint. He disturbs me, he truly does. He makes even the creepiest of paedophiles jealous of his singing. He keeps so much candy in his pockets that his pants have diabetes. Why do I get the feeling Lil Markie has a couple throw away phones and a laptop hidden under the floorboards. Manakin is the nightmare my nightmares have during a nightmare about nightmares. They're so creepy they make Buffalo Bill put the lotion on or he gets the hose. Something is locked inside my soul is the name of the song and coincidentally, it's also what he said before chopping up his therapist and using her fingers on a lite bright set. Erin Rambeau - Animals of the Night was composed to coincide with the book Erin wrote called The Werewolf, The Librarian, and I. I don't know what the book is like but the music video is so bad it makes Otherkins throw out their costumes and get jobs at the Post Office. I know the video is going for goth sexy but honestly, I doubt she could get a bomb disposal robot to touch her naughty bits even if she had a grenade lodged up there. So my big question is this: the guy wearing the homemade werewolf outfit.... was he paid for his work or is he just trying to get his animal of the night touched? Mark Gormley - what can I say about the man, the myth, the legend that is Mark Gormley that he can't say about himself in song form. Small piece of Gormley trivia, in his spare time he works as a coat rack. I've seen bags of topsoil with more life in them. I know this is gonna sound crazy but I kinda dig his music. The problem with Mark Gormley, isn't his music. The problem is he hit his stride in the wrong generation. If he was belting out these tunes back in 1967 he'd have a legit following and getting mad hippie tang. Henreitta and Merna - Unfortunately I just heard some bad news. Mark Gormley lost his job as a coat rack and was replaced by these two women. Go tell it on the mountain then jump off, that's what I say. And what kind of spinster name is Merna? Who names their child Merna unless you've got it in your head she'll be living at a convent and playing what's my finger smell like at the nunnery. Mukimukimanmansu Andromeda is what happens when Yoko Ono is impregnated by a scream and then has a miscarriage of twins and those fetuses somehow survived the miscarriage, grow up in South Korea, and form a rock band. #badmusic #funnymusic #worstsongs