I Can't Do the Sum - Babes in Toyland - Operetta - Victor Herbert

JANE: If a steamship weighed ten thousand tons And sailed five thousand miles With a cargo large of overshoes And carving knives and files If the mates were almost six feet high And the bos’n near the same Would you subtract or multiply To find the captain’s name? JANE & PIPER CHILDREN: Oh! Oh! Oh! Put down six and carry two, Gee! But this is hard to do; You can think and think and think Till your brains are numb, I don’t care what teacher says I can’t do the sum JANE: If Clarence took fair Gwendolin Out for an auto ride And if at sixty miles an hour One kiss to capture tried And quite forgot the steering gear On her honeyed lips to sup, How soon would twenty men with brooms Sweep Clare and Gwennie up? If a woman had an English pug, Ten children and a cat, And she tried in seven hours to find A forty dollar flat, With naught but sunny outside rooms, In a neighborhood of tone, How old would those ten children be, Before they found a home? If Harold took sweet Imogene With him one eve to dine, And ordered half the bill of fare, With cataracts of wine, If the bill of fare were thirteen ninety five, And poor Harold had but four, How many things would Harold strike Before he struck the floor? If a pound of prunes cost thirteen cents At half past one today, And the grocer is so bald he wears A dollar five toupee, And if with ev’ry pound of tea, He will give two cut glass plates, How soon would Willie break his face, On his new roller skates? LYRICS by Glen MacDonough RECORDING: Korliss Ueker, London Voices, London Sinfoniette - Conductor, John McGlinn IMAGES courtesy of the New York Public Library Digital Collections