Tech Rev x Audioblare - Exist (The Hellbat's Sonar Mix, Part Two)

This is a music project formed by Ranar, The Wrathful and Paraxial (The M.M.S.O) Nolar. Song Lyrics by Ranar, The Wrathful. Instrumental Composition by ‪@Audioblare_official‬, Paraxial Nolar and Ranar, The Wrathful. Sample Composition by ‪@Audioblare_official‬ and Ranar, The Wrathful. Vocals by Paraxial Nolar. Lyrics: Words will always fail. So will I. If there is a day I see hope. It is met with suspicion and hostility. I still respect its attempt. After all. Even if an enemy fails to kill you. You still must commend them for their resolve. I don't understand why it is this way. I know there are others like me. Is that supposed to make me feel better? I suppose that is what is expected, isn’t it? I do know that not everyone is hopeless. Mostly just me. Perhaps it seems melodramatic. I don't think so. Sure doesn't feel that way. To be isolated for so long. To finally find something worth your time. And you find out. You are not worth the time. And no. I don't blame them. Not really. I do sometimes. I doubt I really think that though. I don't know them. Not really. I know myself though. More than i want to. More than anyone should. I would welcome amnesia. It would be a blessing for me. But I suppose it would be the same issue, hm? People would miss me. Mourn. Cry. Whatever else. I don't know if I care. I know what is right and wrong. It's just that my every decision ends up being wrong. The ones that are meaningful to me anyways. There are lines in a song that I just want to recite. “Resist and my fist, they’ll be taking you down. (Exist) Because down is where they want you to go. When pain is the name in this high playing game. There’s never too much they can blow.” After that there is a lovely sound of the song, the next line. “Hold On.” Well, that may or may not be what is actually said. Even the guy who made this song doesn't know what he actually said when he sang this. Just left it up for interpretation. Suites me just fine. “Hold on.” I am trying. Each and every fucking day. I want to say it's worth it. I don't think so. I am doing it anyways. EXIST! Spite is strong. Necessity is strong. Desire for life? Not so much. Not when you are a machine. No. I am not treated by my loved ones this way. Just how I feel. Hollow. Lacking rest no matter how much or how little I actually sleep. One day I will be fine. Oblivious to my mind. The next day. Existence is my allergy. Sometimes it changes within a few hours. Sometimes within an hour. Sometimes within 30 seconds. Sometimes there is a reason. Sometimes there isn’t. It could be something as simple as hearing nothing when I say hello. Sometimes it's me remembering that no one is coming to help me when I need it. Sometimes it's just me realizing how different things are. Change is needed for betterment. Pathetic. What a pathetic excuse. Tell me what betterment there is here? The one of the few people I loved the strongest in my life made me realize how pathetic I am. (Exist) So how is this better? Perhaps me realizing this is better. But did it require such a cost? An excuse i am sure. Maybe reasonable. But still. Fuck you. Maybe i am irrational. No. I am not. I am sick. Existence makes me sick. The world. The people. Me. Myself. And I. Sick. (Exist) Drowning in the apathy that surrounds me. Congrats. I no longer care. Somehow I still care. I am my own allergy. The day I die. I hope I suffer. I want to endure the pain that I have caused in my life. Just in case hell doesn't exist. And if it does? What would an hour of pain matter compared to an eternity? Better safe than sorry. Oh yes. Sickness. It sickens me that I must remain. I would welcome death with open arms. For it would be the only thing of worth that remains with me in the end. I don't care to merely escape the suffering. I wish to escape into a world where my suffering matters. A world where my efforts are paid. Not the world I am in now. The one where everything is dust and I am crowned lord of it. Not even the world where I was previously. The one where I am happy because I am ignorant and hurt others. But I suppose hopes and wishes are meaningless for me. Nothing but broken dreams and shattered realities. I try to distract myself. Sometimes it works. Sometimes not. Depends on the day. Oh look. I am a broken record. The cycle loves that I am sure...