DIVIDED WE COLLAPSE - GROWING UP IN REVERSE

They always said I was mature for my age. I thought it was a compliment. I learned to make the breakfast before I learned to make my bed And how to keep the little ones distracted when the shouting started up again I’d pack their bags and find their shoes while everybody else was still asleep Then walk them through the school gates like I hadn’t been awake since three The teachers loved how independent I was, how I never seemed to need a hand I always had my homework finished even when the lights went out again They said that I was going places if I kept my head down and stayed strong Nobody ever asked me Why a kid got so damn good at carrying on You called me responsible You called me strong But children don’t become that independent Unless something went wrong I WAS GROWING UP IN REVERSE RAISING MYSELF WHILE I RAISED EVERYONE ELSE I LEARNED HOW TO CARRY THE WEIGHT OF A HOME BEFORE I KNEW HOW TO ASK FOR HELP YOU SAID I WAS WISE BEYOND MY YEARS LIKE THAT WAS SOMETHING I DESERVED BUT I WASN’T GROWING UP TOO FAST I WAS GROWING UP IN REVERSE By thirteen I could read a room before somebody even raised their voice I knew which nights to keep the bedroom door shut and when to give the little ones a choice Between another story or the television turned up loud enough to hide All the things that children shouldn’t have to understand happening outside I learned which bills could wait until tomorrow and how far the food could stretch How to tell my friends I couldn’t come without explaining what was happening next And every morning I would put my uniform on, walk into class and smile Because when everybody needs you to be older You forget you’re still a child You called me resilient You called me brave But sometimes what you call resilience Is just a kid who couldn’t break I WAS GROWING UP IN REVERSE RAISING MYSELF WHILE I RAISED EVERYONE ELSE I LEARNED HOW TO CARRY THE WEIGHT OF A HOME BEFORE I KNEW HOW TO ASK FOR HELP YOU SAID I WAS WISE BEYOND MY YEARS LIKE THAT WAS SOMETHING I DESERVED BUT I WASN’T GROWING UP TOO FAST I WAS GROWING UP IN REVERSE Years later somebody asked me What I wanted to be when I was ten And I searched through every memory Trying to remember who I was back then I remembered making breakfast I remembered checking doors I remembered saying everything was fine But I couldn’t remember what I dreamed about Before everybody else’s life became mine Maybe that’s what childhood was. Something happening in the other rooms. STOP CALLING CHILDREN STRONG WHEN THEY NEVER HAD A CHOICE! STOP PRAISING THEIR INDEPENDENCE WHEN NOBODY HEARD THEIR VOICE! I WASN’T BRAVE FOR RAISING EVERYBODY! I WAS A KID WHO NEEDED RAISING TOO! YOU SAW HOW WELL I CARRIED EVERYTHING BUT NEVER ASKED WHO GAVE IT TO ME! I WAS GROWING UP IN REVERSE RAISING MYSELF WHILE I RAISED EVERYONE ELSE I GAVE THEM THE CHILDHOOD I NEVER GOT AND KEPT NOTHING FOR MYSELF YOU SAID I WAS WISE BEYOND MY YEARS NOW I FINALLY KNOW THE TRUTH NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO BECOME AN ADULT JUST TO MAKE IT THROUGH THEIR YOUTH