Why You Miss People You Were Glad to Leave

It's late. A song comes on. Their song. And suddenly you miss someone you were relieved to be done with. A person, a job, a city, a whole chapter you couldn't wait to close. That ache usually isn't love coming back. It isn't a sign, and it isn't proof you made a mistake. It's something your memory does to everything you've ever left. This film gives you one question for the next time it hits: am I missing the film, or the trailer? Here's why bad feelings fade faster than good ones (the fading affect bias), why a trip looks better before and after than it felt while you were on it (the rosy view), when the ache tends to arrive, who the real star of the trailer is, and three simple ways to show the feeling the whole film. Previous film: Why a Monkey Will Starve Before It Opens Its Hand →    • Why a Monkey Will Starve Before It Opens I...   The question from the film: Am I missing the film, or the trailer? Chapters 0:00 The song comes on 1:10 The film, or the trailer? 1:55 Why the bad parts fade first 3:09 The rosy view 4:29 When the ache arrives 5:35 Who's really in the trailer 6:36 What to do with it 6:51 The receipt 7:42 The clock 8:08 Who were you in it? 8:38 Two honest notes 9:11 Foam, a bubble, a mirage 10:12 One real reason you left 10:34 This time, let it play Sources / further reading W. Richard Walker, John J. Skowronski & Charles P. Thompson (2003), "Life is pleasant, and memory helps to keep it that way!", Review of General Psychology 7(2), 203–210. Terence R. Mitchell, Leigh Thompson, Erika Peterson & Randy Cronk (1997), "Temporal Adjustments in the Evaluation of Events: The 'Rosy View'", Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 33(4), 421–448. Tim Wildschut, Constantine Sedikides, Jamie Arndt & Clay Routledge (2006), "Nostalgia: Content, Triggers, Functions", Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 91(5), 975–993. The Phena Sutta (Samyutta Nikaya 22.95): form like a glob of foam, feeling like a bubble, perception like a mirage. If the person you miss has died, this film isn't about that. That's grief, and it deserves its own time. And if you left someone because they hurt you, please don't go back on a trailer. Talk to someone you trust. Written by me. Narrated with an AI voice from my own script. Original visual essays about the mind, and what the old traditions got right about it. Illustrations are created with the assistance of generative tools. Original score and sound design composed for this film. #nostalgia #movingon #intoshunya ——— Shunya - the questions worth sitting with. New video every week. #consciousness #philosophy #meditation