Expiring Water, Sleep Scores & Tip Screens: Observe the Absurd | The Absurdists S2 E3

Why does bottled water have an expiration date? Marlo Anderson brings a list of everyday absurdities he has observed (observe the absurd!), and he and Mary Murphy work their way through it: paying gadgets to watch us sleep (and letting a ring decide how tired we feel), standing in line to stand in line, TSA PreCheck and Clear lines that are now as long as the regular one, fake cobwebs and plastic reindeer on office buildings, a National Day tree, terms and conditions nobody reads, horsepower, the nine-minute snooze button, carpet in airports (and Portland's famous one), "new and improved" screwdrivers, juice-box ambushes, apologizing to furniture, decaf coffee, the indoor sky at the Venetian and the birds at the Sphere, tip screens everywhere, the relative who turned free lemons into free lemonade, resume paper, "going up?" on the ground floor, measuring success by how busy we are, and packaging you need a pry bar to open. They only get through half the list. The Absurdists, where logic takes a back seat. Season 2, Episode 3. Chapters 0:00 Intro 0:31 Welcome back 1:01 This week: all things absurd 1:53 We pay people to watch us sleep 2:19 Mary's sleep-scoring ring 4:15 Nobody reads the privacy fine print 5:42 The dog-collar step-count trick 6:27 Ring camera fail videos 6:45 Standing in line to stand in line 7:43 Boarding lines at the airport 8:22 TSA PreCheck and Clear 10:11 Escorted to the front of the line 10:50 Why does bottled water expire? 12:56 Dressing up buildings for the holidays 13:36 Christmas windows in New York 14:51 A National Day tree 15:44 Terms and conditions nobody reads 17:05 The Simpsons and the firstborn clause 17:43 Horsepower: a unit named after a horse 19:36 Who measures horsepower? 20:20 Mary's '68 Camaro on the dyno 21:19 The snooze button 22:00 Why nine minutes? 23:49 Carpet in airports 25:30 Sleeping on the airport floor 25:58 Portland's famous airport carpet 27:16 "New and improved" 28:17 The lemon squeezer that lies flat 29:21 Juice box ambush 30:48 Apologizing to furniture 32:31 Decaf coffee 35:33 A second sky indoors 36:27 The Sphere's birds 37:56 Tip screens everywhere 38:57 Tipping devalues real service 42:36 Tipping at the convenience store 43:44 Lemon in your water 44:31 The free-lemonade relative 45:16 Resume paper 48:26 Elevator small talk 50:29 "Going up?" from the ground floor 51:37 Measuring success by how busy we are 54:12 Unnecessary packaging 55:14 Pay at the pump 56:57 "There better be diamonds in here" 58:16 Out of time: half the list to go 58:56 Outro Hosts: Marlo Anderson and Mary Murphy Listen to the podcast: https://theabsurdistsshow.com/observe... More episodes: https://theabsurdistsshow.com Subscribe:    / @absurdistsshow   #TheAbsurdists #ComedyPodcast #ObserveTheAbsurd