School Refusal: What Parents Can Ask Schools to Do

School Refusal: What Parents Can Ask Schools to Do How to build a school plan that actually helps Episode summary What can you actually ask the school to do when your child is struggling to get through the school door? In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude helps parents move from a chaotic, constantly changing morning plan to something simpler, more predictable, and easier for everyone to follow. Because when a child is already anxious, they do not need seven adults trying seven different things. They need a shared plan. You'll learn why Amy wants school-refusal plans to be almost boring, how to identify one trusted adult and one predictable arrival routine, and why every support should have a clear pathway back to participation. A break can help. A counselor can help. A safe space can help. But one of the most useful questions parents can ask is: "And then what?" What happens after the break? How does your child return? What is the support helping them build toward? The goal is not to remove every hard feeling. The goal is to help your child move through the hard feeling and back into their day. This episode is for you if… • Your child struggles with drop-off, school refusal, separation anxiety, or getting through the school door. • You have multiple teachers, counselors, administrators, or other adults involved and everyone seems to have a slightly different plan. • You are constantly trying to remember who is supposed to meet your child, where the handoff happens, or what happens when anxiety spikes. • Your child does better when routines are predictable and adults respond consistently. • You feel like you have accidentally become the case manager for your child's school-refusal plan. • Your child regularly uses a counselor, break space, trusted adult, quieter location, or other school support. • You are worried that a helpful accommodation may slowly be turning into another way to avoid class. • You want to collaborate with school without creating a giant, complicated intervention plan. • You need to know what questions to ask before tomorrow morning. In this episode you'll learn • Understand why predictability matters when a child is already anxious about school. • Make an arrival plan simple enough that everyone understands what happens next. • Identify one trusted adult who can reliably receive your child. • Clarify where the handoff happens, what the goodbye looks like, and what happens first. • Understand why individualized school-refusal plans may need to change as adults gather more information. • Reduce the number of decisions a parent has to manage every morning. • Think about school supports as bridges back to participation. • Ask what happens after a counselor visit, regulation break, safe space, or reduced demand. • Measure progress through return to class, participation, recovery, and reduced adult support. • Recognize the difference between supporting anxiety and accidentally creating a new avoidance pattern. • Understand why "return to participation" never means asking a child to tolerate bullying, unsafe situations, or genuinely inaccessible demands. • Use "And then what?" to clarify the purpose of school supports. Tiny Wins to try this week • Pick one trusted adult. Your child does not need seven adults trying seven different strategies at arrival. Identify the person who can reliably receive them. • Make tomorrow predictable. Decide where the handoff happens, what the parent says, who receives the child, and what happens first. • Ask "And then what?" If the plan includes a counselor, break, safe space, or other support, ask what happens afterward and how your child returns to participation. • Make the plan boring. Same arrival place. Same brief goodbye. Same receiving adult. Same first step whenever possible. • Move the plan out of your head. Make sure the adults involved know the shared plan so one parent is not carrying the whole system alone. Pick one. One is enough. Free resources After-School Reset Guide (https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/...) Volcano Feelings Freebie (https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/...) Summer Without the Spiral (https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/...) Tiny Wins Playbook (https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/...) ADHD, Anxiety, or Something Else? (https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/...) Support + Connect Amy's Fundraiser (https://kyle-pease-foundation-inc.net...) Instagram (  / dramypatenaude  ) Facebook (  / psyched2parent  ) TikTok (...