Sobriety vs. Recovery: Why Stopping Isn't Enough After Betrayal

After intimate betrayal, stopping the behavior isn't the same as repairing the relationship. So what does real healing for a couple actually look like? In this episode, host Monifa Ellis-Addie is joined by Alana Gordon, LMFT, CSAT, CCPS, president of APSATS, to talk about the difference between sobriety and recovery — and why so many couples get stuck believing sobriety is enough. We explore why betrayal is trauma (and why many betrayed partners meet the criteria for PTSD), the "two tanks" of healing, why there's no finish line but there is a new normal, and how couples can tell they're truly making progress. If you've ever thought "I'm not as healed as I thought I was," this conversation is for you. CHAPTERS 0:00 Introduction 0:43 What is intimate betrayal? 1:50 Why betrayal is trauma — and PTSD 3:47 How betrayal trauma affects the body 4:24 Sobriety vs. relational healing 7:28 The two tanks: actions and emotional work 8:59 How long does healing take? 11:34 Creating a new normal 14:54 Signs you're healing as a couple 18:27 Rupture, repair, restore 21:09 Why "going along to get along" doesn't work 23:04 Signs you might be stuck 23:51 Nervous system and somatic healing 26:12 Therapy as emotional training 27:38 What is APSATS? 32:25 When old triggers resurface ABOUT OUR GUEST Alana Gordon, LMFT, CSAT, CCPS, is the president of APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists). Learn more about APSATS: https://www.apsats.org ABOUT THE SHOW Hope & Healing Chats is a podcast about intimate betrayal and partner betrayal trauma. Our goal is that these conversations support you in your healing journey and help restore hope. Hosted by Monifa Ellis-Addie, LMFT, CCPS, CSAT Like, subscribe, and ring the bell so you don't miss an episode. #BetrayalTrauma #SobrietyVsRecovery #HopeAndHealingChats For more on Hope & Healing Chats: https://www.hopeandhealingchats.com   / hopeandhealingchats     / hopeandhealingchats      / @hopeandhealingchats   This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or professional advice.