Who Plans for This? A Father's Life with Profound Autism | Mike Hanner

What happens when a father whose career is built around managing risk is handed something he can’t plan his way out of? In this episode of the INCHSTONES Podcast, Sarah Kernion talks with autism advocate and corporate risk management professional Mike Hanner about raising his eight-year-old son Kingston, who is nonspeaking, autistic, and has apraxia. Mike spends his professional life anticipating what could happen, assessing uncertainty, and building systems designed to protect people from risk. Then came profound autism. Kingston met early developmental milestones, used words, sang and danced. Mike describes the pain of watching his son lose previously used speech and skills and the years it took him to understand that Kingston’s inability to reliably speak did not mean there wasn’t far more happening inside him. That realization changed the questions Mike began asking. Instead of only asking how to manage a symptom or behavior, he became increasingly interested in what might be happening underneath it. His office now contains multiple whiteboards filled with treatments, tests, therapies, diagnoses, and questions - a visual representation of a father determined to keep learning. Sarah and Mike talk candidly about navigating conventional medicine alongside Mike’s interest in biomedical and functional approaches. Mike is equally clear about something important: he is skeptical of anyone claiming to have one solution that works for every autistic child. The conversation instead centers on curiosity, collaboration with qualified practitioners, individualized decision-making, and the difficulty of evaluating emerging or contested approaches when your child cannot reliably tell you what hurts or how they feel. They also explore something discussed far less often: what profound autism can do to the family system. Two parents can love the same child completely and still have dramatically different capacities, coping styles, beliefs, and approaches to helping that child. Mike discusses the friction that can create inside marriages and partnerships - and why caring for the family itself cannot become an afterthought. Underneath the entire conversation is a question with no simple answer: How do you prepare for a future you never planned for? Mike’s answer isn’t certainty. It’s learning to live differently with uncertainty. Find your people. Ask better questions. Avoid the landmines other families have already encountered. Remain hopeful about what may be possible while preparing responsibly for significant lifelong needs. And above all, don’t become so consumed by the answer you’re still searching for that you miss the progress already happening. Because sometimes the progress isn’t a milestone. It’s an inchstone. Mike Hanner (  / mikehanner  ) is a national employee benefits risk management executive who has spent his career helping employers navigate the complexities of group health insurance and healthcare strategy. More importantly, he is a father to an 8-year-old son with profound regressive autism. Mike and his family have spent years navigating the often-overwhelming world of autism: specialists, therapies, testing, treatments, schools, insurance, and the constant search for answers. He joined Sarah Kernion on Inchstones to share a father’s perspective on raising a child with significant support needs, navigating the many landmines families encounter, and advocating for his son every step of the way. Subscribe to the INCHSTONES Podcast (http://www.inchstonespodcast.com) for honest caregiver stories about nonverbal autism, special needs parenting, profound autism, caregiver burnout, disability, communication, family life, and the realities of raising children with significant support needs.