How to Disagree Gracefully | Heather Wiese & Dr. Pauline Hoffmann

Someone at the table says something that makes you think, wait, is that actually true? You have about two seconds to decide whether to say anything, and most of us freeze. Dr. Pauline Hoffmann studies both halves of that problem, how bad information spreads and how conflict gets resolved, and she joins Heather to get practical about it. They talk about what to do in the pause before you respond, how to tell which arguments are worth having, why the most persuasive approach depends entirely on who is sitting across from you, and what a host can do when the conversation turns. Knowing something is wrong and knowing what to do about it turn out to be two completely different skills. What you'll learn in this episode: What to do in the first few seconds, including why Pauline counts to five rather than ten, and the questions worth running through before you decide whether to respond at all How to tell a reactive decision from a reflective one, the filter she uses on whether an argument is worth having, and why people will respect a decision they disagree with when it clearly wasn't a knee-jerk Why the same argument lands differently depending on who is hearing it, illustrated by two family members approaching the same conversation about vaccinating a baby and getting opposite results What a host can actually do, from setting ground rules at the door to redirecting the table, and how to handle the guest everyone could see coming How to check something before you pass it along, including where a real story would have been reported, who funded the study, and the trap of wanting something to be true. About the guest Dr. Pauline Hoffmann is an associate professor at the Jandoli School of Communication at St. Bonaventure University, a former dean, and a former New York State senior public health fellow. She is the author of Fake News, Witch Hunts and Conspiracy Theories: An Infodemiologist's Guide to the Truth, with a second book just finished. Her background runs through public relations in healthcare on top of a science education, and her work now sits at the intersection of two things most people treat separately: how misinformation travels, and how conflict gets managed once it arrives. She writes WTF, short for What the Facts, where she covers disinformation, and she recently opened a bookstore. Connect with Pauline: Website: pwhoffmann.com . About your host Heather Wiese is the founder of Bell'INVITO, the luxury stationery and design house she has led for more than twenty years, trusted with the invitations, menus, and correspondence behind some of the country's most considered occasions. A modern etiquette authority and longtime PaperCity columnist, she has built her career reading the quiet rules of how people gather, connect, and are received. On Social In Security, she brings that vantage point to a weekly conversation about etiquette, luxury, and social intelligence, alongside the experts, insiders, and coaches who know these rooms from the inside. Connect Bring a moment you want decoded to ask@social-in-security.com, or write in as "asking for a friend." Follow Social In Security wherever you listen. If an episode helps, send it to someone who would appreciate it. Instagram: @social.in.security This episode is presented by Bell'INVITO At Bell'INVITO, we believe the details are the point. For more than twenty years, we have created the invitations behind some of the world's most beautiful occasions: paper that is held, kept, and framed, and the quiet art of the first impression long before anyone walks in the room. bellinvito.com