How to Turn Your Attachment Style Into a Secure Relationship with Gaby Balsells

Why do you love the way you love? Natassia sits down with Gaby Balsells, a Clinical Psychologist licensed in Guatemala, relationship coach, and author of Dating 101 to unpack attachment styles, secure vs. anxious vs. avoidant attachment, dating after divorce, honesty vs. transparency, shape-shifting in relationships, raw spots vs. core wounds, the three types of sex, aftercare, and what actually makes desire feel safe. Trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy and a board member of the New York Center for EFT, Gaby wrote her dating book while walking through her own divorce after a ten-year relationship, and she's candid about the mistakes she made on dates that she would have flagged in her own clients. From why no one can be truly secure in dating to why sex with the wrong person can feel so good, this conversation reframes attachment not as a label you're stuck with but as a pattern you can rewire. Gaby also makes the case that dating isn't a numbers game, it's an energy game. Whether you're anxious on the apps, in a marriage that still feels stuck, or trying to understand why the same fight keeps happening, this episode will help you see the pattern underneath it. ⸻ If it takes you a while to get in the mood, your body may just need a different kind of stimulation, which is exactly why I love Aura by Mila: find out what works for you at https://heymila.co/lust. Couples who talk about sex have better sex, so I created the Wonderlust Intimacy Card Deck to make that conversation fun and easy: get 10% off with code LUST at https://wonderlust.co. ⸻ Lust in Translation Podcast Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠ Follow us on Instagram:   / lustintranslationpod   ⁠ Follow Natassia on on Instagram:   / ⁠   Work with Gaby Balsells (free 30-minute consultation): https://www.modernintimacy.com/therap... Follow Gaby on Instagram:   / gabybalsells   Read Gaby's book, Dating 101: https://amzn.to/3TeYcHY 00:00 – Welcome and introduction 00:30 – Meet Gaby Balsells 01:29 – Did divorce shape the dating book? 03:45 – Grieving a relationship before it ends 05:00 – Practicing what you preach in love 06:25 – Dating as a chance to ask for what you want 07:47 – The dating mistakes a psychologist made 09:20 – Getting clear on what you're looking for 09:57 – What's different in her relationship now 11:22 – Honesty vs. transparency 12:45 – Saying what you want on the first date 15:00 – The four attachment styles explained 16:15 – Secure attachment and how we earn it 17:37 – Anxious attachment: the hopeful romantic 20:08 – Avoidant attachment and the lone wolf myth 21:11 – The fear of being rejected 22:16 – Fearful avoidant: hot and cold 23:13 – Can your attachment style change? 25:08 – "Tell me how you were loved" 25:45 – Using your attachment style as an excuse 27:13 – Why no one is secure in dating 28:45 – Dating is an energy game, not a numbers game 29:55 – Natassia's two months on the apps 31:22 – Pre-date and post-date rituals 32:17 – Shape-shifting and the need to belong 34:40 – The midlife plot twist 35:30 – How to stop shape-shifting 37:27 – Renegotiating your relationship agreements 38:39 – Raw spots vs. core wounds 40:30 – The pastry story 41:56 – Core wounds and the unworthiness trap 43:47 – How to begin breaking the pattern 46:15 – The three types of sex 51:30 – Aftercare matters 56:38 – Where to find Gaby and closing thoughts