The Whole Being Dead Thing Pt. 2 DC | Beetlejuice The Musical

LYRICS: Why are we screaming!? (then) Oh. It’s cause of me, isn’t it? (MUSIC IN.) BEETLEJUICE (cont'd) HEY FOLKS ‘SCUSE THE INTRUSION LET ME CLEAR UP THE CONFUSION I THINK WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM, HOUSTON YOU’RE DEAD SURPRISE! WELCOME TO ‘THE DEAD THING’ DEATH CAN HAVE ITS UPS AND DOWNS ETERNITY FEELS LIKE FOREVER IT’S SO CUTE YOU DIED TOGETHER! COME WITH ME, I’LL SHOW YOU ‘ROUND GREAT RESTAURANTS TO TRY HERE DUTY FREE TO BUY HERE MISOGYNISTIC GUYS HERE IT’S BASICALLY DUBAI HERE! (Two zombie cheerleaders enter.) BEETLEJUICE (cont'd) Ready? Ok! BEETLEJUICE * HI! I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE * I'LL BE YOUR G-U-I-D-E TO THE * OTHER SIDE DONT GO TO THE NETHERWORLD! ADAM Netherworld? BEETLEJUICE Did I say “Netherworld”? Never mind! I’M B TO THE DOUBLE E-G-F-E-X Oh Jesus, I can’t spell. Sh*t! ZOMBIE CHEERLEADERS HI! HE’LL BE YOUR GUIDE HE’LL BE YOUR G-U-I-D-E TO THE OTHER SIDE BEETLEJUICE: Show me your penis! ADAM No! BEETLEJUICE Ah, worth a try... I’M B TO THE DOUBLE E-T-L-E TO THE J-U-I-C-E! YES! (LIGHTS SHIFT. Beetlejuice rips away his suit to reveal MC Hammer pants. He dances.) BEETLEJUICE (cont'd) THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE DIED IN YOUR OWN HOUSE THAT GIVES YOU CLOUT THAT MEANS THAT BOTH OF YOU SHOULD STICK AROUND LUCKY FOR YOU I DROPPED BY YEAH, YOU SEEM LIKE NICE GUYS A LITTLE ON THE “POTTERY BARN AND DRY WHITE WINE” SIDE BEETLEJUICE (cont'd) * AS FOR ME I’VE BEEN SCARIN’ FOR MILLENNIA I’M THE BIO-EXORCIST GIVIN’ HOUSES ENEMAS FLUSH OUT ALL THE BREATHERS-- YOU CAN BREATHE EASIER STICK WITH ME! I’M LIKE A GHOST ZOMBIE JESUS! ZOMBIE CHEERLEADERS * FLUSH OUT THE BREATHERS-- * YOU CAN BREATHE EASIER * GHOST ZOMBIE JESUS! * BEETLEJUICE * AND YEAH I DO IT FOR THE LOVE OF IT! MONEY? AH, WHO GIVES A SHIT I THINK WE’RE A PERFECT FIT COME ON! LET’S MAKE OUT A BIT! ENSEMBLE * DO IT * MONEY? * I THINK WE'RE A PERFECT FIT * YEAH! DEAD! * (He tries to kiss them. They push him off. He continues, undaunted--) BEETLEJUICE IT’S THE PERFECT DAY TO DIE ‘CAUSE THIS GUY HAPPENED TO BE PASSING BY TO GIVE YOU CONTROL OF YOUR SOUL THROUGH THE WHOLE BEING DEAD THING THE WHOLE BEING DEAD THING Have a wonderful day!