The thing that moves me

Move. Fix it. Answer them. Change it. Do it now. Why? Why am I running when nobody’s chasing me? I built a life around the warning bell Every little voice became a wishing well Throw my own desire down into the dark Just to keep somebody else’s fire from sparking I learned to listen for the footsteps Learned to read the room before I breathed If somebody wanted something different I made their hunger mine to feed And I called it discipline I called it doing what I should But underneath the motion I was never where I wanted to go Something keeps pulling the trigger Something keeps calling it choice But when the room finally goes silent I can’t recognize my own voice I DON’T KNOW WHAT MOVES ME ANYMORE Is it desire or the fear of the door? I’VE BEEN RUNNING FROM A LIFE I NEVER CHOSE Trying to become what everybody knows Every criticism became a command Every emergency became my plan And I wonder why I’m empty inside I WASN’T LIVING I WAS REACTING TO LIFE. Urgency crawls underneath my skin Says, “If you stop, everything falls in.” So I keep tearing through the walls Just to prove I’m doing something at all But what if nothing needs fixing? What if I don’t have to defend? What if I can let the moment breathe Without immediately making it end? I mistook discomfort for direction Mistook pressure for a sign Mistook somebody else’s expectation For something I had chosen as mine So let the voices scream Let the pressure knock I don’t have to open I don’t have to stop There’s something underneath it Something quieter than fear And when I stop obeying urgency I finally start to hear I DON’T KNOW WHAT MOVES ME ANYMORE Is it desire or the fear of the door? I’VE BEEN RUNNING FROM A LIFE I NEVER CHOSE Trying to become what everybody knows Every criticism became a command Every emergency became my plan And I wonder why I’m empty inside I WASN’T LIVING I WAS REACTING TO LIFE. STOP! I DON’T HAVE TO MOVE! STOP! I DON’T HAVE TO PROVE! Your judgment IS NOT MY LAW! Your urgency IS NOT MY CALL! Your fear DOES NOT HAVE TO BECOME MY FEAR! I can stand here. I can breathe here. I can want something without running toward it. I can want nothing without calling it failure. I CAN CHOOSE. What remains when nobody is asking? What remains when nothing is burning? What reaches for me when I stop reaching away? Maybe desire was never the enemy. Maybe I buried it under everything I was afraid to disappoint. NOW I KNOW WHAT MOVES ME Not every voice inside my head Not every hand upon my shoulder Not every fear of what comes next I WILL NOT TURN MYSELF INTO AN ANSWER To questions nobody has the right to ask I’ll let the urgency pass through me I’ll let the criticism lose its grasp And if I move LET IT BE BECAUSE I WANT TO. If I change LET IT BE BECAUSE I’M CALLED TO. If I stay LET IT BE BECAUSE I CHOOSE. I spent my whole life running from the pressure NOW I’M TURNING TOWARD MYSELF. No warning bell. No command. No audience. Just me asking what I want.