magnus's newspaper meets alvis's forehead

Hi, my name is Magnus Blackwater and I have long grey hair and a black cowboy hat and a lot of people tell me I look like Ozzy Osbourne (AN: If you don't know who he is, get the hell out of here!!!). My mother removed my vampire teeth when I was in third grade so I would fit in. I'm not related to the Shaved Man, but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I was left on a meat hook to die