Kick Ass Ken

Happy Birthday. [INTRO – Spoken over a massive guitar riff] Ladies and gentlemen… Straight from the golf course… By way of the United States Marine Corps… The man, the myth, the legend… KICK! ASS! KEN! [Drums explode] [VERSE 1] He walks up to the tee like he owns the place, Got a Bud Light grin and a poker face. Swings that club, sends it straight down the line, Then grabs the microphone and starts singing Sinatra time! He’s got three boys and a woman named Fran, Who’s somehow put up with this legendary man. From the fairway grass to the karaoke stand, Nobody celebrates quite like this man! [PRE-CHORUS] He’s got a swing that’s smooth, And a voice that’s loud, A Marine Corps past, And a hell of a crowd! [CHORUS – HUGE ARENA ROCK HOOK] KICK ASS KEN! There he goes again! Sinking birdies, singing Sinatra, Drinking Bud Light with his friends! KICK ASS KEN! Raise your glasses, gentlemen! Another year older, But the legend never ends! HEY! HEY! Let the good times begin! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KICK ASS KEN! [VERSE 2] He’s a Republican man with a county seat, But tonight he’s got a different crowd to meet. Trading politics for a microphone, Singing “My Way” like the stage is his throne! Ray’s in the corner yelling, “Here we go!” Greg just laughs, Steve says, “Nice show!” Matt says, “Ken, don’t quit your day job, friend!” Ken grabs the mic and says, “KICK ASS!” again! [PRE-CHORUS] He can talk the talk, He can walk the green, He’s the smoothest damn Marine We’ve ever seen! [CHORUS] KICK ASS KEN! There he goes again! Sinking birdies, singing Sinatra, Drinking Bud Light with his friends! KICK ASS KEN! Raise your glasses, gentlemen! Another year older, But the legend never ends! HEY! HEY! Let the good times begin! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KICK ASS KEN! [BRIDGE – Guitar drops out, crowd clapping] Some guys get older, Some guys slow down, Some guys disappear When the gray hairs come around. But Ken’s still swinging, Still singing his songs, Still telling all of us We’ve been doing it wrong! [Spoken] “Hey Ken, how old are you anyway?” “Old enough to kick your ass!” [GUITAR SOLO – 12 seconds, screaming 80s lead guitar] [FINAL CHORUS – FULL BAND, GANG VOCALS] KICK ASS KEN! Our lifelong friend! From high school days To the bitter end! KICK ASS KEN! Let’s hear it again! Three boys, wife Fran, And a whole lotta friends! He served his country, He can sing, he can swing, And tonight we’re celebrating The birthday king! HEY! HEY! Everybody join in! HAPPY BIRTHDAY… TO KICK! ASS! KEN! [OUTRO – Spoken, band stops] Matt: “Hey Ken, what’d you think of your birthday song?” Ken: “KICK ASS!” Ray: “Simple. Just like you.” Ken: “ABSOLUTELY!” [Everyone laughing] [Final massive guitar chord]