【EP28】 The superiority parent 優越型父母

Jane Nelson argues that under stress, every parent defaults to one of the four primary coping styles 1. Control 2. Pleasing 3. Comfort 4. Superiority The Superiority Parent.  Parents' ultimate goal is to be right, competent, useful and above average. Their biggest fear is feeling inadequate, being wrong, or looking meaningless.   The hidden price here is that their children can develop a fear of making mistakes. They think, "If I can't do it perfectly like Mom or Dad, I just won't try at all." It can accidentally crush their creativity.   This personality is not all bad. They have the strengths of modelling success and achievement, teaching children to assess quality and motivates them to excellence.  The goal is not to change your personality. The goal is awareness. When your toddler pushes your button, pause and ask yourself: " Am I reacting because my child is doing something terrible, or am I just panicking because my "Top Card" is being threatened.  That distinction changes everything. Once you know your trigger, you can choose a positive discipline tool instead of just reacting out of fear. Jane Nelson 認為，在壓力之下，每一個爸媽都會自動切換到四種主要應對模式之一: 控制型、討好型、安逸型或優越型。 優越型父母的終極目標是要永遠做對的事情， 要具備很強的能力勝任何崗位， 並追求高於水平的表現。 而他們最大的恐懼，是感到不足、犯錯，或者顯得無足輕重。 他們隱藏的代價是，是孩子可能會發展出對犯錯的恐懼。他們會心想：「如果我做不到爸媽那種完美的樣子，我乾脆不試了。」 這樣可能會在不知不覺中，扼殺了他們的創造力。 但這種性格並不是全部都不好。他們可示範成功與成就給孩子看，教導孩子評估外來環境因素，同時激勵孩子追求卓越表現。 不是要你改變自己的個性，而是幫你建立“自我覺察”。下次當孩子踩到你的地雷，不妨先暫停一下，問問自己：“我這麼生氣，是因為孩子真的做錯了天大的事，還是僅僅因為我的‘王牌’（對全局的控制感）受到了威脅？ 分清這兩者的區別，將徹底改變你的育兒狀態。一旦看清了自己的“情緒開關”，你就能冷靜地選擇正面管教的方法，而不是出於恐懼而自動反應。 Spotify, Apple Podcast — Parents Daily Youtube — Parents Daily by BAMBINI HOUSE 合作/聽眾投稿: hello@bambinihouse.co #parentsdaily #LittleLeapsBigDiscoveries #小小跨步大大發現