The Real Science of Self-Worth with Dr. Marisa G. Franco

In this week's episode of She's So Lucky, I'm sitting down with returning guest, psychologist, and bestselling author Dr. Marisa G. Franco to talk about the science of self-worth and why so much of what we call "identity" is actually just an old memory in disguise. You might remember Marisa from our February 2023 conversation on platonic intimacy, which ended up being our top episode of the year. She's back this time to talk about her new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, and this conversation picks up right where that one left off. Marisa breaks down the difference between the "good twin" and "bad twin" of high self-esteem, why the healthiest people are often the ones who feel their feelings instead of pushing them away, and how memory reconsolidation can actually change the way old pain sits in your body. Marisa and I talk about how attachment styles became status symbols, why "secure" turned into something people perform instead of something people feel, and why she prefers the term "secure-ish." We also talk about ambition, and why wanting more doesn't automatically mean you're operating from a wound. This one's tender, it's smart, and it's going to have you thinking about your own memories differently for a long time after you finish listening. This episode is for you if: You've ever felt like the other shoe is about to drop, even when things are going well You reject compliments or feel weird when people are nice to you You've used attachment theory or self-help language to build an identity instead of understanding a feeling You're tired of the "love yourself unconditionally, all the time" messaging and want something more real You're questioning whether your ambition is coming from a healthy place or an old wound You want to understand the actual neuroscience behind why certain memories keep showing up in your body You're ready to stop shaming the parts of yourself that are still healing You want language for what it feels like to be loved and still not feel lovable Chapters: 0:00 The Science of Self-Worth 0:28 Meet Dr. Marissa G. Franco 2:59 The Theory of Self-Verification 6:23 Defining High vs. Low Self-Worth 12:03 Challenging Societal Hierarchies 17:18 Self-Worth in Relationships 28:30 Beyond Attachment Styles 41:26 Identity vs. Fluidity Episode Links: Intimacy in Friendships: Having Healthier Friendships and Making Friends As An Adult with Dr. Marisa G. Franco: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0YZP... Get Dr. Franco’s new book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment https://bookshop.org/a/55347/97982170... Follow Dr. Franco on Instagram:   / drmarisagfranco   Check out Dr. Franco’s website: https://drmarisagfranco.com/ Sponsors: Dae: Just for She's So Lucky listeners, visit https://www.daehair.com and use code LUCKY at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. Monarch: Monarch is the personal finance app that tracks everything — accounts, investments, savings goals, and spending. Get your first year of Monarch Core for half off at https://www.monarch.com using promo code LUCKY. Opill: Preventing pregnancy is as easy as Opill. You can find Opill at most major retailers, in-stores and online. Bask & Lather: Explore viral bestsellers and products of healthier hair of ALL types from Bask and Lather. Go to https://www.baskandlatherco.com and use code LUCKY for 20% off. Shopify: Start your free trial at https://www.shopify.com/lucky. Cozy Earth: Head to https://www.cozyearth.com and use my code LUCKYLES for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. Keep in Touch with Les: Ready to apply what you hear? Subscribe to the She’s So Lucky Newsletter to get weekly episode guides and journal prompts: https://shessolucky.kit.com/newsletter Subscribe to The Lucky Playbook on Substack: https://lesalfred.substack.com/ Follow Les on IG:   / lesalfred   Follow She’s So Lucky on IG:   / shessoluckypod   Follow Les on TikTok:   / theluckyles   Follow She’s So Lucky on TikTok:   / shessoluckypod   Visit our website at shessoluckypodcast.com About She’s So Lucky: She's So Lucky is a weekly podcast that helps you become the luckiest person you know. Hosted by Les Alfred, the show explores success, ambition, mindset, money, career growth, and the habits that help you build a life that actually works for you. Through thoughtful solo episodes and conversations with founders, creatives, and cultural leaders, She’s So Lucky offers grounded insights, practical reframes, and real strategies you can apply immediately. Music License: MB01LEOMOQYQA4Z