Luck Stat of a Thousand

[Verse 1] The dungeon doors swing open and my party looks at me With the kind of absolute belief that nobody should have honestly I nod like I have done this before which technically this is true But every success was an accident this I promise you They call me a powerful genius but this is not the case I really have no idea what I am doing in this place The monster at the end of this floor has a difficulty rating of ten And I have never once felt qualified but here I am again I step into the corridor and look to the comrades at my side Outside I look calm but I am panicking on the inside I am running every possible exit in my head And calculating which direction I am least likely to end up dead A monster charges from the left and a rock trips me out of the way Which my party interprets as a calculated sidestep display A weak little lightning bolt fires off from my hand by mistake And hits the ceiling which collapses on the monster in its wake I hear cheers behind me at the show And I straighten up and decide to just go with the flow My eye is twitching slightly and my palms are soaked through But I try to convince myself as well that I know what to do [Chorus] Do I have a luck stat of a thousand I genuinely want to know Every time my lightning fires it soars wherever it wants to go The monsters keep falling over and the kingdom keeps praising my name While I keep standing here looking calm and collected and internally insane Please someone believe me when I say I am not built for such dungeon floors I have tried explaining this many times and they keep pushing me into more You are one of the few who can do this they say our lives depend on you Please mighty hero help us with what you can do [Verse 2] The second chamber has a boss that takes up half the room My party steps back and gives me space which fills me with gloom I do not ask for help which I immediately regret Because now they are all watching like I am the strongest person they have ever met I fire a tiny bolt of lightning at the general direction of the monster's face It bounces off the wall and off the ceiling and all over the place The boss trips on its own feet trying to track where it went And falls directly on a pressure plate which was the trap I never meant My party is losing their minds and I am losing mine too For completely opposite reasons because they think that I knew I say something under my breath that sounds like a battle cry But it is actually me asking whoever is listening up there why [Chorus] Do I have a luck stat of a thousand I genuinely want to know Every time my lightning fires it soars wherever it wants to go The monsters keep falling over and the kingdom keeps praising my name While I keep standing here looking calm and collected and internally insane Please someone believe me when I say I am not built for such dungeon floors I have tried explaining this many times and they keep pushing me into more You are one of the few who can do this they say our lives depend on you Please mighty hero help us with what you can do [Verse 3] Between the third and fourth chamber I pull my party aside And say listen I need you all to understand something about your guide I have not planned a single thing that has happened today Everything I have done has gone wrong in exactly the right way They look at me with the most star struck expressions and simply call me humble As if they have never seen me stumble They say with you we can accomplish anything And I turn back around with a frown because everything I say is only seen as profound I also cannot refute their words because my luck has never gone away Is it an actual power of mine that is going to stay [Chorus] Do I have a luck stat of a thousand I genuinely want to know Every time my lightning fires it soars wherever it wants to go The monsters keep falling over and the kingdom keeps praising my name While I keep standing here looking calm and collected and internally insane Please someone believe me when I say I am not built for such dungeon floors I have tried explaining this many times and they keep pushing me into more You are one of the few who can do this they say our lives depend on you Please mighty hero help us with what you can do [Outro] I walk out of the dungeon as the final door swings wide My party is celebrating and I am just grateful to be alive Someone has already written up a report of what I did today And made everything sound significantly more strategic than it was in any way A crowd has gathered outside waiting to shake my hand And I stand there holding back a grimace trying to look great and grand Someone asks me how I did it and I look them in the eye And say some things cannot be explained and leave it at that with a sigh Which they immediately write down as the most legendary thing said By a man who is simply relieved that he is not dead And hoping that there is nothing else dangerous ahead