Koda Brown, 2006 - 2020

Koda came into my life on my birthday, March 12, 2006. She was 8 weeks old, 6 lbs, and pure fluff. She likes frozen green beans, cucumbers, and apples. Her ears are still the softest things. Over the past 14 years, she's been at my side, moved from Virginia to Maryland to Boston to Los Angeles (twice), back to MD (twice), and finally to Marina del Rey. We've done 5 cross country road trips together, with her in the back seat. She likes to stick her head out the sunroof with her little mouth and tongue flapping in the wind. She saw the Grand Canyon where a bus full of Chinese tourists stopped to pose with her. She splashed in a fountain in New Orleans. She played on the dunes at White Sands National Monument in New Mexico (and had to be carried by my brother over a "scary" walkway). She saw a horse in Oklahoma and froze in fear. She loves sleeping outside on porches, especially in Rehoboth Beach. She loves the beach, sleeping upside-down on couches, and going on hikes. Except the one time we accidentally hiked 10 miles because I can't read trail maps. She loved to do "zoomies" down the hall, jump onto my bed, spin, jump down and run down the hall again. One day about 2 1/2 years ago when she was almost 12, she did the zoomies and tore her ACL. She came out of surgery with super cute surgical pajamas but she really couldn't run or jump after that. But she slowly got her strength back, and we went on lots of walks and met new dog friends. Koda was always so sweet with other dogs, never barking at dogs or people (just at me when she wanted treats). Six months ago, Koda had a bleeding stomach ulcer that was really scary, but somehow we nursed her back to health and she came through it. Two months later, this past Thanksgiving, Koda was diagnosed with Diabetes. After 4 months of trying different insulin brands and doses, her glucose levels were still really high, and she was insulin resistant, so her kidneys weren't functioning very well. Her arthritis was really bad, and she couldn't get up without my help and she would cry a lot. She was on pain killers, insulin, and antibiotics for the infections that the high glucose levels were fueling, and it breaks my heart that I couldn't help her. In the last 3 weeks she stopped wanting to go on walks. In the last 2 weeks it was clear that her kidneys had worsened. In the last week she was crying a lot at night, and sleeping a lot more - even during times when she was normally awake and asking for treats, she just wanted to sleep. I wanted to spare her from so much discomfort and I don't want her to feel any pain. I've been crying for a week, and I feel guilty, and sad, and lost. So I made the decision to say goodbye last night. A vet came to my apartment, and she was comfortable, and it was very peaceful, and my mom was on FaceTime. But I just miss her so much, and I just want the time back. I don't know what life looks like without her. I know she was tired and I think she was ready... I just hope she knows how much I love her. 💜 Thank you to everyone who loved her. music: This Woman's Work by Greg Laswell