A LETTER TO THE MAN I WAS

A LETTER TO THE MAN I WAS My old friend, if you can still hear me there, where dreams didn't hurt, there's something I need to tell you before I say goodbye. Don't wear your heart out. Not every hug is a safe place. Not every hand reaching for you wants to walk beside you. I tried to be a good man, even when I didn't know how. Built bridges with my own two hands for those who wouldn't cross. Said I was sorry for the damage I wasn't always the one to cause. Saved so many from the darkness I lost myself along the way. I showed my fears, my failures, the little boy I kept inside. Thought someone might love me if I finally let them see me. But I learned a little too late not everyone wants to understand what you reveal when all you need is someone who will give a damn. I thought being honest meant somebody would love me. That someone would see my wreckage and still stand there beside me. But some truths, once spoken, change the way you're seen. And something dies inside a man when he's no longer respected. Listen, man I used to be, if there's still someone there in me: never give your whole heart away to someone who hasn't proved they'll stay. Never show the world where you're broken just to hear somebody call you strong. Some will use the map of all your scars to find the place where you fall apart. You just wanted to be loved, somewhere you could finally rest. But don't turn your soul into a house where anyone can walk right in and burn it to the ground. And I hate that I learned this after trying so hard to love. I watched men who never said sorry get everything I begged for. Watched those who hurt without remorse be loved like I'll never be. Maybe they weren't stronger than me. Maybe they just didn't care. The world seems to hand out flowers to those who never fear causing pain. I changed my dreams, I changed my voice, made myself smaller just to fit. But if I had to become someone else, who was it they fell in love with? Maybe love is only real when it doesn't cost a thing. While the light hides all the cracks, while the soul's still dressed to win. In the movies, someone sees your wreckage and stays with you until the end. In real life, I showed them who I was... and suddenly the magic disappeared. Listen, man I used to be, if there's still someone there in me: never give your whole heart away to someone who hasn't proved they'll stay. Never show the world where you're broken just to hear somebody call you strong. Some will use the map of all your scars to find the place where you fall apart. You just wanted to be loved, somewhere you could finally rest. But don't turn your soul into a house where anyone can walk right in and burn it to the ground. But there's something I never told you, and maybe this is the worst of it: I didn't just lose other people. I lost the ability to see any worth in myself. I spent my whole life begging for someone to see the good in me. When I was finally left alone, there was nothing left to see. And what hurts the most, old friend, isn't that nobody stayed. It's thinking that if someone had, maybe I wouldn't have learned to walk away from myself. If you find the little boy I left behind somewhere, don't promise him the world's a beautiful place. Don't tell him someone will be there. Just sit beside him in silence. Let him cry until he's through. And when he asks if he's worth loving, don't teach him to beg for it, too. Tell him he doesn't have to bleed to prove he feels too much. That feeling never made him lesser, that being human isn't weakness. And if someone walks away someday when they finally see the real him, don't let that one goodbye destroy his faith in everything. My old friend, I wish that I could say I'm sorry for turning every rejection into a verdict on us both. I spent my whole life trying to be loved. And in the end, I couldn't love myself. So if you can still hear me, there's one thing you should know: Never show your weaknesses again. Not because they make you less... But because I couldn't bear to watch you learn, the way I did, to be ashamed of who you are.