If Your Cat Ever Meows at You… DO NOT MEOW BACK

If your cat ever meows at you, do not meow back, do not look away, and never ask what that meant. There are 7 rules. Most owners fail the first one tonight. This is a manual for the conversation you did not know you were having: why adult cats almost never meow at each other, why yours kept the meow for you, what the baby voice really does, why it knocks a pen off the table when you are sad… and what to do if you hear it meow from the kitchen while it is asleep on your bed. OWNER'S MANUAL — CAT — MODEL: SMALL LOUD. CHAPTERS 0:00 If your cat ever meows at you 0:17 The manual 0:42 Rule 1: Do not meow back 1:02 Rule 2: The baby voice 1:32 Case file: Tokyo 1:50 Rule 3: The sweet voice 2:21 Rule 4: Let it 2:40 Rule 5: The kitchen 3:01 Rule 6: The silent meow 3:27 Rule 7: [the back cover] 4:01 Come Real things in this film: adult cats rarely meow at each other — the meow is mostly for people; a 2022 study in Paris found cats can tell when their owner is talking to them in "that" voice (not when a stranger does); a 2013 study in Tokyo found cats recognise their owner's voice — and usually don't come; researchers at Cornell found people rate house-cat meows as more pleasant than wildcat meows; kittens meow to call their mother. Did your cat ever meow at you from another room? Tell us in the comments. Subscribe so you don't miss the next manual. This is a work of fiction.