Not Today: Silence with Emily May and Jorge Arteaga

A message reached a fraternity group chat with more than 50 members while the alleged incident was still happening. Did anyone who saw it stop to ask if she was safe? Content note: This episode discusses allegations of sexual assault and dehumanizing sexual language. It does not include graphic details. If you need support, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit rainn.org. A former Cornell student alleges that seven men associated with the Chi Phi fraternity sexually assaulted or exploited her in October 2024. The men deny wrongdoing or dispute parts of her account, and the case is unresolved. Hosts Jorge and Emily May don't try to argue the case. They focus on what the reporting reveals: a Snapchat message sent to a fraternity group chat during the alleged incident, preserved the next morning by a member who saved a screenshot before it disappeared. Jorge and Emily May draw on two new studies: a survey of about 1,000 boys ages 12 to 17, and the 2026 State of American Men report on men ages 18 to 29. They talk about loneliness, "man box" ideas of masculinity, life online and the role models boys have, and they ask what boys are taught about women, sex, friendship and status long before college. They also walk through how Right To Be's 5Ds of Bystander Intervention (Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay, and Direct) could have changed that night without anyone putting themselves in danger. CHAPTERS 0:00 Intro and content note 0:48 What happened at Cornell and what the group chat reveals 3:35 New research on boys and young men 6:49 How culture is built before the night it shows up 7:56 What could a bystander do? 8:34 Distract 9:18 Delegate 9:59 Document 11:08 Delay 11:37 Direct 12:44 Why groups fail to act 14:17 What we can teach boys differently IN THIS EPISODE What the group chat reveals about culture and consent Data on loneliness, control and role models among boys and young men How to use each of the 5Ds in a moment like this one, while staying safe Why groups fail to act: the bystander effect, peer pressure and fear of losing status Why you don't need certainty to check on someone Why caring about boys and protecting survivors go together TAKE ACTION Learn the 5Ds of Bystander Intervention and register for a free training at https://righttobe.org/upcoming-free-t... NEED SUPPORT? National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) rainn.org ABOUT NOT TODAY Not Today is a show from Right To Be about the cycle of hate and harassment, the choices people make inside it, and the hope we build when we refuse to be passive. Hosts Jorge and Emily May look at what happened, what the larger pattern tells us, and what each of us can do next. When harm tells us to stay out of it, our answer is: not today. Subscribe for new episodes of Not Today. righttobe.org #NotToday #BystanderIntervention #RightToBe