Gopnik Gary - I Like To Pick Up Fat Girls At The Skyline

Ohio…. It’s a place. Lyrics- In Ohio, there are three important things: Football. Chili on spaghetti. And women built to survive the winter. BLYAT! START THE LADA! I came through Cleveland in an old tracksuit, Gold chain swinging and my hair slicked cute. Cruised down I-71 doing ninety-nine, Looking for fat girls at the Skyline. From Cincinnati all the way to Kent, I follow shredded cheese wherever it went. Akron girls thick, Dayton girls fine— But the biggest ones meet at the Skyline! I pull in sideways, bass shaking the glass, See three big gorls and they built to last. One got a Bengals shirt, one says “Dawg Pound,” One made the whole damn restaurant shake when she sat down. Two-way! Three-way! Four-way! Five! Ohio women keep hardbass alive! I PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! Big bowl of chili and a very good time! I PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! If she order five-way, I know she is mine! Cleveland! Columbus! Cincinnati too! I like big Ohio girls—yes, this is true! Corn-fed beauty, shaped divine— I PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! Squat! Squat! Squat! Squat! Pass the oyster crackers! Met a girl from Toledo named Big Michelle, She ate six coneys and she carried them well. She said, “Where you taking me after we dine?” I said, “Another location of the Skyline.” She climbed in my Lada—it leaned to the right, Check-engine light became extremely bright. Rear shocks broke somewhere outside of Lorain, But Michelle kept eating like a runaway train. State trooper stopped us near Exit 8, Said, “That little car is over legal weight.” Michelle stepped out and the trooper went pale— She ate his citation with a side of ginger ale. Two-way! Three-way! Four-way! Five! Ohio women keep hardbass alive! I PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! Big bowl of chili and a very good time! I PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! If she order five-way, I know she is mine! Youngstown! Mansfield! Sandusky too! I like big Ohio girls—yes, this is true! Lake-effect winter, but the weather is fine— WHEN YOU PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! Some men go to bars. Some men use dating apps. Cowards. Real men enter Skyline Chili at nine forty-five on a Friday night and wait beside the cheese. SHE GOT A FIVE-WAY! FIVE-WAY! EXTRA CHEESE! EXTRA CHEESE! DOUBLE CONEY! DOUBLE CONEY! THAT’S MY BABY! Fat girls in Cleveland! Fat girls in Dayton! Fat girls in Columbus! Strongest in the nation! Fat girls in Akron! Fat girls in Lima! Feed her Skyline— Then take her to Cedar Point! I PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! Big bowl of chili and a very good time! I PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! She broke the passenger seat, but everything’s fine! From Lake Erie down to the Kentucky line, Ohio grows women like Appalachian pine! Beautiful, hungry, and built sublime— I PICK UP FAT GIRLS AT THE SKYLINE! Ohio: Birthplace of aviation. Home of eight presidents. And women who order chili by number. God bless this state.