I don't believe in God, but my religion is immigration limbo

I wish my identity was rooted in what I make, what I love, and what I am becoming and not in a government-issued document. For the last two and a half years, I have been living in immigration limbo. I left a life and career in Belgium believing that I would eventually be able to work, build a life, make friends, make art, and perhaps have a family here. Instead, I have spent years unable to work or earn money, watching the life I imagined become increasingly difficult to reach. Employment is just the start of it. It indirectly (or even directly) trickles down to take away routine, community, independence, direction, perspective and sometimes even your sense of who you are. I used to think I was a scientist. I am a writer. I am an artist. I want to be someone who can make something meaningful out of whatever happens to her. But lately, I feel reduced to the coordinates of my birth and the color of my passport. So I'm trying to understand what happens to a person when the thing controlling their life is also the thing they have no power to change; and whether I can build an identity around something other than the system that has put me on hold This..this is a rant ok? Let a woman rant sometimes, its good for my skin. 0:00 Introduction: Identity and Resilience 1:04 What Is Immigration Limbo? 1:29 The Isolation of Immigration Limbo 3:17 Being a Woman of Color Abroad 3:59 Woman of Science, Apprentice of Arts 4:19 Faith, God, and Religion 4:58 Immigration Limbo as a Forced Religion 5:27 "It'll Only Take Two Months" 6:08 Two and a Half Years of Waiting 6:47 Identity Reduced to a Passport 7:19 Blaming the System 8:40 Savings Gone, Dreams Deferred 10:23 A Religion That Asks You to Stand Still 10:44 Can I Have Kids? 11:51 Nothing Matters But Your Passport