Why a South Asian woman who grew up ugly is terrified of losing her youth | It's not vanity

This episode is less about beauty itself and more about what growing up "ugly" taught me about shame, identity, and fear. As a child in India, I was constantly criticized for my appearance—my darker skin, oily hair, acne, dark circles, and every other feature that Indian aunties seemed eager to dissect. The bullying wasn't just about looks; it became the only thing people could attack because my academics and extracurriculars gave them little else to criticize. Eventually, I learned to define myself through intelligence instead. Being the top student in school became a shield against the constant scrutiny of my appearance. Years later, I glowed up a bit and after moving to Belgium, I experienced something entirely different. Strangers and friends complimented my eyebrows, my hair, and my smile without mockery or hidden motives. It took years to believe that being called pretty wasn't a prank, and for the first time I felt free from having my appearance treated as public property. Now, as I approach my thirties, I realize my relationship with beauty isn't really about chasing youth. It's about fearing the return of the cruelty I escaped. I don't worry about wrinkles because society tells women they should stay young forever. I worry because aging might once again give people permission to scrutinize my appearance the way they did when I was a child. Being good-looking became intertwined with feeling safe from that kind of humiliation. Realizing this has forced me to confront an uncomfortable truth: what I thought was vanity is actually self-protection. The fear isn't of becoming less beautiful—it's of becoming vulnerable again to a version of the world that taught me my appearance was always open for judgment. 0:00 - Introduction: Growing Up Ugly 0:34 - Welcome to Notes from a Desi Girl 1:42 - Dark Skin, Oily Hair & Being Bullied by Indian Aunties 3:19 - Being Beaten as a Child & Its Physical Toll 4:33 - The Power of Academic Excellence 9:23 - Moving to Belgium at 22 & Starting Fresh 10:42 - Learning to Accept Compliments 14:24 - Being Pretty in STEM: A Disadvantage? 15:59 - Turning 30 & Reckoning with Aging 23:11 - Fearing the Return of Childhood Bullying 24:11 - Why Beauty Has Become Part of My Identity 25:26 - Closing Thoughts